Name: Chrystal
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Bio: I am a HIGH TECH refugee! Got laid off in Sept 2002 and never looked back. I love meeting women, helping them improve their sex lives and empowering women through education about sex toys and human sexuality. I am originally from Las Vegas but have lived in San Jose for 20 years. Tune into our radio show, too! http://www.BetterSexRadio.net
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Tristan Taormino Interview on Better Sex Radio: The Big Book of Sex Toys Part 1
March 10th, 2010
Bliss Radio
BETTER SEX RADIO INTERVIEW with Tristan Taormino
2/17/2010
This is the transcript from our interview on Feb. 17th. If you would like to hear the podcast, please go to iTunes.com and search on Bliss Radio and you will find our 30 minute interview there and you can listen on your Mp3 player!
http://www.BlogTalkRadio.com/BlissRadio is where we stream live every Wednesday morning at 11 a.m. Pacific
C: Good morning. Welcome to Better Sex Radio. This is your host, Chrystal Bougon. I’m the Chief Toy Officer, Pleasure Coach, and all-around everything, at least today anyway, at BlissConnection.com. All of my help is out, and I’m all alone today. We do our radio show every Wednesday morning to talk to you about different topics related to better sex and more sex.
We have an online romance store called BlissConnection.com which we launched about 3½ years ago, featuring better toys for better sex. We know that everybody wants to have better sex, whether they’re having married sex, same sex sex, sex alone, single sex… Everybody wants to have better sex. Everybody wants to have more sex. Everybody wants to improve on the experience, even if they’re just having sex alone.
Here in the Bay Area, we also have a home party division where we bring our traveling romance store to your home. We set up a full store in your bedroom or living room or office – somewhere private, though. You invite your girlfriends over and we do what we call “a very educational but sassy presentation” about the various romance products: lubricants, oils, books, DVDs, spanking products, light bondage products – a little bit of everything. We come there to educate and entertain everyone about the products so that you and your friends can learn about different ways to incorporate these products into your love life in order to help you keep things interesting and spice it up in your bedroom. Whatever you’ve got going on in your bedroom, you can spice things up.
Of course, we have the radio show every Wednesday morning at 11:00 am on Hump Day. We come to you each week to talk about various products and interview different sex toy manufacturers. We love to talk to you honestly about our favorite toys and products, as well as different things that are going on in our industry and anything that has to do with dating, marriage, relationships, intimacy, etc. Any topic under the sun as it relates back to something that’s sexy or related to sex, and we have a lot of fun doing it. Who could complain about having to talk about sex toys every Wednesday morning or going into people’s homes every weekend for a party? We facilitate the information and the party, but really our hostesses provide us an amazing environment where we get to show up and do our thing that we love so much. It’s always a blast. I even did a “pleasure party” on my birthday last Saturday, and people were saying, “Gosh, it’s your birthday,” but to me it was such a privilege to spend a little bit of my birthday with really cool women who want to learn more and talk more about sex and honor the tradition of getting your girlfriends together and giggling for a few hours. When people ask me why I love my job so much, I always say, “It’s because I love listening to grown women giggle.” And giggle they do, believe me! It’s always a really good time. Usually there’s a little bit of alcohol involved, lots of laughing, and having a great time talking about sex toys. It’s our opportunity to showcase the various products that we sell, and then educate people about how they might use them.
We really want to help people – especially women – to have better sex and an orgasm every time they have sex. We figure as long as you’re doing it, why not just go ahead and have one! I know that for some women it’s a little more difficult than for other women, so we like to show women how they might be able to use some of these products in whatever kind of lovemaking is going on in their bedroom. Many times just incorporating a small bullet-style vibrator in whatever you’re doing or in your partner sex can make it easier for women to climax and easier on their partner because their partner doesn’t have to worry about whether or not they’re going to have one…they’re going to “own” their own orgasm, which I’m a big fan of. I really believe your orgasm is your responsibility. It’s your job to have one, not someone else’s job to give you one.
If you’re one of those women who have a little more difficulty in that area, having a vibrator on your clitoris while you’re doing whatever it is you’re doing can just make it so much more enjoyable. Then you start to have that idea that every time you have sex, it’s going to be fun as opposed to work or “I’m just doing this because I have to” or anything you’ve got going on in your head. If you incorporate a vibrator into what you’re doing it can help you to really look forward to sex, because you know you’re going to have an orgasm every single time. Just like anything else in the world, practice makes perfect. So practice, practice, practice!
We know men practice a lot, right? They’re really good at it. We don’t have to worry about whether or not they’re going to have a good time when we have sex with a man! They’re going to! I really wish women would take a page from their playbook and practice more often, because the more often you do it, the easier it gets. Just like muscle memory. For example, like athletes in the Olympics, the muscle memory from practicing their sport over and over again gets those neuropathways in their brain to help them know this is what they need without even thinking about it. The muscle memory kind of lets you know “This is what I need, this is my sexual response cycle, and it’s going to help me to have an orgasm.”
There are so many toys out there, and that’s what we’re so excited to talk about today. We’ve got Tristan Taormino as a guest today. She has a new book called “The Big Book of Sex Toys”, and, believe me, it’s a big, luscious, gorgeous book filled with sex toys. We’ll talk with her today a bit about how all sorts of different couples can incorporate these toys and products to make sure that all of their sex is highly orgasmic. I’m really excited to welcome Tristan to today’s show. Tristan is a sex educator, filmmaker, author, anal sex expert and so much more!
Good morning, Tristan.
T: How are you?
C: I saw on Twitter today that you hurt your back. I’m so sorry to hear that. (http://www.Twitter.com/BlissConnection )
T: I have a really bad cold and I hurt my back, so I’m a little bit miserable, but I didn’t take any of the heavy pain killers or cold medicine because I wanted to be lucid for you!
C: Thank you! It might have worked okay, too, if you weren’t.
T: I’m congested, but I’m completely lucid!
C: Thank you so much. I know you’ve got a lot going on, and I really appreciate you taking some time out today to talk to us about your beautiful new book. It’s gorgeous.
T: Thank you. I’m really happy with how it turned out. It’s like a textbook for sex toys.
C: Like the Encyclopedia Britannica for sex toys, but it’s beautiful, where the Encyclopedia Brittanica is not very pretty.
T: This is a little flashier.
C: Did you guys photograph all of those products?
T: Yes. All the photography except at the very end is original. There are a few pieces in there that aren’t the original, and those are of the very expensive, sort of luxurious products, such as the Monkey Rocker, for example.
C: Oh, I want one so bad!
T: They didn’t give us a Monkey Rocker, but they gave us a photo. That’s a very, very high-end toy. But everything else is original. One of the things I love about the book is you just don’t see the product, but you get to see it sort of in action. It’s like, hey, this is how you might use this.
C: Have you ever tried the Monkey Rocker?
T: I have not.
C: I really want to try one.
T: Yes, it looks amazing.
C: I always joke at my pleasure parties that I own every sex toy known to man. Well, there are a few I don’t have…I don’t have a fu**ing machine, I don’t have a Monkey Rocker, but for the most part I’ve got them all. Apparently you do, too!
T: I do. I have a lot of toys…a lot.
C: The research was fun for your book, right?
T: Of course! What’s amazing is that just when you finish and you’ve updated it and think you’ve seen everything, then a whole new round of toys comes out.
C: That’s why we try to avoid printing a color catalog for our parties, because it’s out of date as soon as you print it.
T: Exactly. There are, like, five new amazing things.
C: I like to go to the annual sex toy trade show in Vegas in April to see what’s new and figure out the new stuff we’re going to do for the second half of the year. People always think it seems like so much fun to go to the show, but it’s really a lot of work. It’s like going to any trade show, except that the widgets are dildos.
T: Exactly. You’re still on your feet and there’s still fluorescent lighting!
C: Yes. You walk around, shake people’s hands, and come home with weird colds and stuff!
I do have a link to Tristan’s book on my blog, but what I would recommend, if you’re interested in buying a copy, go to Amazon.com and either type in Tristan’s name or “Big Book of Sex Toys”. LINK TO PART 2 of our Better Sex Radio Interview with Tristan Taormino
Tristan Taormino Interview Part 2: Better Sex Radio
March 10th, 2010
Anal Sex DVD
Part 2 - Transcript of our interview with Best Selling Author, Adult Movie Film Maker, Sex Educator Tristan Taormino (Link to Part 1 of our Better Sex Radio interview with Tristan Taormino)
Cont. (We are talking about her books available on Amazon.com here.)
You can see all the fantastic books that Tristan has written, and we sell a lot of your anal sex DVDs on our website and at our home parties – especially at the home parties, that’s the big topic nowadays.
T: Is it? Was I ahead of the trend?
C: I think you were, yes. Of course, people tend to be really open-minded in the Bay Area. I’ve been doing pleasure parties for seven years and we set up a full store in the home. That way, people don’t have to wait for their purchases – they actually get to take them home that night.
T: So they don’t get shipped, right?
C: Right. So I used to joke that as soon as the door closes, two questions always came up. After the presentation, our customers come back with us into the store if they want to make a purchase, and it’s just them and us. Just as we close the door so they have some privacy while they shop, the first two questions asked are “Can I put it in my butt,” and “How can I get/give/ better oral sex?” I think about two years into the home parties, about three or four years ago now, the topic started coming up during the presentation, and I saw the shift. Now it’s not all about the privacy, but how they can get better oral sex and “I really want to have anal sex.” It’s so cool that it’s coming out in the conversation in front of everyone now where it used to be behind the door.
T: Behind close doors. Yes. And I think this dialogue around anal pleasure has changed so much in the past 10 years, as well as the dialogue around straight men receiving anal pleasure. That’s also a really big trend and there’s a real difference in the way people talk about it, claim it, and own it. I love that.
C: I saw a friend of mine do a presentation at the sex toy trade show a couple years ago, and he was talking about how to have anal sex without any pain. This is one of the funniest lines, and you’ve probabloy heard this before: “The anus has 6,000 nerve endings for male or female. It’s the “equal opportunity” hole. Everybody has 6,000 nerve endings there! (Here is our link to our blog for 9 Tips for Pain Free Anal Sex)
T: I don’t know if there are 6,000 nerve endings, because that would make it as sensitive as the clitoris, and the clitoris is the most sensitive of anyone’s body.
C: There’s something like 8,000 nerve endings there.
T: Yes. Six to eight thousand. But it really is incredibly sensitive, and I think that’s one of the things people just don’t know. They’re surprised to hear that.
C: It’s so cute. At pleasure parties, when the men come back into the room, because they’re not really ready to talk about the prostate massage and stuff in front of everybody, once the door closes they’ll be nervous, but they’ll ask me something really ridiculous like “If I want a finger up my butt, does that mean I’m gay?” I’ll ask them, “I don’t know. Are you gay?” You’re the only one who knows if you’re gay. It’s pleasurable and…
T: But that myth persists, and it holds people back. We’ve really got to keep drilling it into them that, no, this doesn’t mean you’re gay. Go with it. Go with your desires. Go with what feels good.
C: I should ask, “Do you want a girl’s finger up your butt or a boy’s finger up your butt?”
T: I always say, “If you’re in doggy-style when you turn around, who do you want to see?”
C: So true. I first became familiar with you when I saw you on “Real Sex”, teaching people how to have anal sex. How long ago was that?
T: I’ve done a couple episodes of “Real Sex.” That one was my third one, so it was only a couple years ago. We did a sort of anal sex workshop.
C: I guess I remember the second one, where there were a lot of women, maybe at a party.
T: That’s the first one. I think it was from 1999, and they still play the tape! People still email me, asking, “How can I come to one of your parties?” I answer them with “I hate to tell you this, but that was 10 years ago.”
C: “Real Sex” is known for playing their stuff over and over. Fortunately, this year they’re finally playing some new stuff. My Tivo picks them all up, so I get all excited, thinking “Oh, my gosh, I saw this glass dildo episode of Real Sex 10 years ago!”
T: Exactly, but the anal sex one is much more current – in the past couple of years.
C: I was reading a review that someone wrote on Amazon about one of your anal sex books, and I’d never really thought about the G-spot pleasure you can get from anal sex. I was just trying to think in my own brain, “Why is it so pleasurable? What makes it so intense and so good.” One of the people who wrote a review was saying that it was because it requires a lot of communication between the two partners, and I thought, “Oh, that is very true. All that talking is kind of exciting.”
T: Certainly, lots of women can experience indirect G-spot stimulation, and that has to do with toys, certain positions… But really, a lot of women say that they definitely feel their G-spot being stimulated, because all that’s really separating the rectal cavity from the vaginal cavity is a thin wall. So in certain positions, you can definitely indirectly stimulate the G-spot.
C: Interesting. And, of course, if you’re super excited, then we know your G-spot does grow a little bit with lots of blood flow.
T: Yes, it swells and becomes more prominent.
C: And you would definitely have to be very turned on to even consider having anal sex.
T: I think it’s good to be turned on for everything! It’s so funny when I talk about my “Top 10” things you need for great anal sex, arousal is one of them, and people ask, “Well, isn’t that just common sense?” I tell them, though, if your body is turned on, it’s just easier. You’re already in a state of arousal and you’ve gone through the arousal process. You’re just more likely to be relaxed and your ass is going to be open. It’s just easier, I think.
C: I wrote a blog called “Nine Tips For Having Pain-free Anal Sex”, and one of them, I believe, is that YOU really have to want it, not your partner.
T: Absolutely. The butt does not lie. If it doesn’t want anything going in there, nothing’s going in there.
C: That’s so true.
T: You’ve got to be on board, so I like that the people at your parties come to you and say, “Hey, I really want to have anal sex,” because I think that’s where it has got to start. No one should have it because their partner is pressuring them or because they feel like everyone else is doing it, or any of that. It really has to come with you. For people who are nervous about it, I tell them, “Incorporate it into your masturbation routine.” Don’t try it first with a partner if you’re really nervous about it. Do it first by yourself. See how it feels. See what you like. Go at your own pace. Then you can incorporate it into partner sex.
C: Absolutely. If you can’t envisioning it happening in your own brain, it will never happen.
T: Exactly!
C: A couple of other things we suggest, I suggest that whatever amount of lubricant you think you need, triple it, and use a great lubricant (silicone lubricant). And I think small things first, like you said, getting familiar with it by using small toys or fingers. Then – and please correct me if I’m wrong, because I really consider you to be the expert in this field – I think the woman needs to control the penetration, not the guy.
T: Absolutely. I think it’s really all about pacing. That’s why I often recommend that the person on the receiving end is on top, because it allows them to control the depth of penetration, the speed, and also just the angle of their body. So I think they definitely have to be in control, and I really, really think it’s all about the warm-up. I think the major mistake that people make with anal play is that they rush it. They try to go too fast, they try to get to something big too quickly, and that’s what messes them up. The butt really needs lots and lots of warm-up.
C: What do you think about this? We talk about it a lot. I feel that women need to pay attention to what works well for them vaginally, and I think it helps for women to really know the way their bodies work – whether their vagina tilts a little bit forward or they’re more straight up and down, or maybe the vaginal canal tilts backward, more than likely their rectum is going to go in the same direction. So if you know that doggy-style never works for you vaginally, it’s very likely it won’t work for you doggy-style, either.
T: Yes, although I also think that it can be different. For me, for example, I can take a lot bigger things in my butt than I can in my vagina. It’s just that you’ve got more room in the rectum, obviously, but I find that I can take longer/bigger toys in my butt than I can in my vagina. It’s just how my body works.
C: Same rule for women who are using strap-ons for anal sex to again start small, the receiver controls the penetration…
T: Absolutely, and lots and lots of lube.
C: Yes, because nothing is lubricating on its own back there.
T: No, and I think there’s another myth that we can just sort of spit in our hand and be done with it. I tell people in my workshops that spit is not a lubricant!
C: Also, I think some lubrication companies talk about that if it starts to dry up on you, incorporate a little water or saliva… I don’t want to use a lubricant that requires that I do that.
T: With the water-based lubes, that is true, though. Because they are water-based, a little bit of spit or a little bit of water actually reactivates them. Some people like to do that, while other people will just add more lube.
C: I guess I just like the silicone lubricant so much because you don’t ever have to do that. You don’t have to keep reapplying.
T: I’m a big, big fan of silicone toys, so I tend not to use silicone lube because of that.
C: Because you can’t use the silicone lubricant with the silicone toys.
T: Yes. It’s just a horrible trick the universe has played on us!
C: Because silicone toys are always such great quality toys.
T: And silicone lube is so great, but we’re not supposed to use them together!
C: I know you’ve probably been asked this a million times, and it’s hard for me to answer this question, too, but my all-time favorite toy is the 5-speed bullet. I like the intensity and I like that it has different pulsations and escalations. Is there a toy that you would say you always keep in your drawer, at the ready? Even though you may own every sex toy known to man, is there one you just go back to over and over again?
T: Wow! There’s not just one, actually. I would say there are a few. For me, I think the Pocket Rocket still works. I know it only has one speed, but this is something you could literally put in your purse, and I mean a tiny purse!
C: Yes. You can travel with it, and it’s not too embarrassing when you get caught with it in Customs.
T: Exactly. You can travel with it. If it falls out of your purse, it’s not like the first thing people see because it’s not a big, giant thing. I really love that one. I love really all of the metal butt plugs that are made by NJoy.
C: Those are beautiful.
T: Oh my God. Love, love, love those.
C: It’s sanitary, too, so no porous materials.
T: Very easy to clean, really gorgeous, and they also really last a long time. I’ve had them for years and years – they last.
C: I love that company. They’re just way cool.
T: Yeah, they’re super cool. There’s also a LELO vibrator that I really like called the “Liv.” If I’m in the mood for a vibrator for penetration, I really love the Liv, but “Ina” has come out, and I have them both.
C: They make great products. Do you have the new Vibratex Mystic Wand in your new book?
T: I don’t have the Mystic Wand.
C: You have to get one! It’s like the Hitachi Magic Wand, but it doesn’t have to be plugged into the wall.
T: But is it rechargeable?
C: No, it takes four AA batteries, but it’s waterproof.
T: I used to have one of the wand vibrators that was rechargeable, and I’d say that the charge died on more than one occasion at totally the wrong moment. I had to give up on it, because I thought, “This is horrible! This is like my worst nightmare!”
C: Everybody loves the Hitachi Magic Wand, but unfortunately you’re stuck with having to stay close to the outlet because it plugs into the wall.
T: I’m not a big Hitachi fan because it’s a little overwhelming for me.
C: I think you might like their new Mystic Wand.
T: On certain occasions, the Hitachi really worked, but I’d say as an everyday vibrator, it’s actually too powerful for my clit, in particular. But obviously people love it.
C: I always tell people is that lesbians know their sex toys, and pretty much every lesbian owns the Hitachi Magic Wand, so that’s a sign that it’s a really great toy. It also lasts forever.
T: I worked at Babeland for many years, and people would come in and say, “I’ve never used a sex toy. I’ve never used a vibrator. I’m here to buy my first vibrator, and my friend recommended the Hitachi Magic Wand.” I’d say, “Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.”
C: “Those are for advanced girls.”
T: Yeah. I’d have to say, “Let’s take a deep breath. Let’s put you into something a little…” This is like someone who has never driven a car before coming in and we put her in a Maserati.
C: You have to start with baby steps, definitely.
T: I think that people who’ve never used something before shouldn’t go right to the top. It may scare them off.
C: It’s great on your neck, too, and a great back massager. I totally agree with you, though. It’s way too much for beginners. It’s best to start smaller and save the Hitachi Magic Wand for later.
T: You’ve got to kind of know, and I think every woman is different. I know women who swear by the Sasi. Have you used the Sasi?
C: We’re selling it now, but I haven’t tried it.
T: The Sassy is really the only vibrator that most closely mimics oral sex. I like it. I love the technology. I love the company. I love to recommend it for people who say, “These really hard-charging, sort of buzzing vibrators don’t work for me.” But for me personally, it cannot give me an orgasm.
C: It’s beautifully crafted, I have to agree with you there.
T: But everyone is different. There’s so much out there now that I feel there really is something for everyone.
C: How come nobody ever believes women when they say they have anal orgasms? Is this something that people just can’t grasp?
T: Let me just say in general, remember that female sexuality has had a long history of being really misunderstood…
C: Neglected?
T: Yeah! It was quite a long time before we got our hands around the clit as the really important part of female sexuality that it is. When that happened, there were women having G-spot orgasms or vaginal orgasms, and they were basically being told, no, it’s all about the clit. It’s a strange thing. We’ve gotten beyond the all-or-nothing model. Every woman is different. We all have different kinds of orgasms. I think we still just don’t have enough research on the ass as an erogenous zone – on all those nerve endings. When people do studies and they hook up machines to people’s genitals, there are no machines and probes that they hook up to your butt to see what your butt’s doing when you’re getting off. So we don’t have a lot of research, and we still have all this misunderstanding about the potential pleasure for anal play. Therefore, people are still just thinking, “Okay, I get why men want to do it, but I don’t get why women want to be on the receiving end.” I mean, there’s so much misinformation.
C: I always say that I think for the last 150 years all the research money has been spent on Viagra and the male orgasm/the male erection that…
T: Which is so frustrating! When I teach a G-spot workshop, people have hundreds of questions about female ejaculation, and I have to start out by saying, “You know what? We actually don’t know a lot about this. Let me tell you what we do know.” But let me tell you that I’ve gone to these sexology conferences and I’ve sat through these pretty boring presentations on the urethral sponge. And let me tell you that I’ve talked to thousands and thousands of women about their G-spots and about female ejaculation, so I can tell you anecdotally what people tell me. But if you’re looking for some hard science research, it’s not there.
C: It’s a little fuzzy there. It’s getting a little better, although recently that ridiculous study came out. I said, “I have a G-spot, I know it exists, so ignore this ridiculous study where all they did was pretty much just ask women whether or not they had a G-spot and they said, ‘No, I don’t.’”
T: I know, which is so confusing and weird! It was also all about intercourse. They asked about “While you’re having intercourse, have you noticed that you have a G-spot or that your G-spot is stimulated,” which I think is misleading, and sometimes intercourse isn’t always the best way to stimulate the G-spot. I think the whole study was so deeply flawed and the follow up to it was…I don’t know. There was mainstream coverage of it that was just really problematic. I only saw really one – I think it was the Dr. Oz show or The Doctors. Dr. Laura Berman was on, and she stated that every woman has a G-spot. She was the only sort of credible/popular figure person who went on and said that, which needed to be said!
C: Dr. Berman told everybody on Oprah that they needed to have a vibrator. She tells women, “Yes, you do have a G-spot.” Thank God she exists.
T: Yes. Also, I think just demystifying all these ideas about the vibrator, because I think there’s still all this leftover stuff about vibrators. Like, “If I need a vibrator, I’m not a good lover,” or “My partner’s not a good lover, they don’t know what they’re doing”…I get these questions all the time. I remember the first time I got this question. It was, “I’ve been with my partner for this many years. Here’s my problem. The only way for me to cum during anal penetration is with a vibrator on my clit. Please help.” And I thought, “Wait. What’s the problem?” I have to remind people, Listen, there are women out there who have never had an orgasm.
C: I meet them all the time, in their 40s, 50s, and they’ve never even had one.
T: First of all, you’re telling me that your partner knows how to have an orgasm, can have an orgasm, and knows how to get there. What’s the problem?!?
C: It’s interesting. I’ve talked to, I guess, about 10,000 women now at these home parties about sex and toys. With the toy issue, I always tell them that if their partner is intimidated by toys, the really savvy men know that sex toys do all the heavy lifting for them. Sex toys are the appetizer, not the entrée, right? That’s your partner. But there’s also the stigma about lube – and I definitely want to talk with you about your new fellatio book – but there is just as much stigma related to a sex toy. Some women just feel like “If I have to use a lube, he’s going to get offended.” I try to explain to them that some 17-year-old women have issues lubricating while some 90-year-old women do not.
T: Exactly!
C: So many things can affect your ability to lubricate. You can have too much coffee, too much stress, not enough sleep, taking allergy medication…
T: Taking birth control. There’s all of these issues. In my college sex ed lectures, this is a big part of what I talk about. I teamed up with Astroglide and they send me all these samples of lubes I get to hand out, and I think we just need to keep reinforcing that this is not a post-menopausal woman thing.
C: It’s a luxury to have with you when you’re having sex. I don’t need a lubricant yet, but even when I don’t need it, it’s a luxury to add to what you’re doing.
T: Absolutely.
C: It just feels so good.
T: I think that, yes, there is this idea that if you’re turned on, you’re automatically lubricated. You could be lubricated, but not lubricated enough for whatever the penetration is. Your lubrication may not last for as long as you want penetration to last. So it’s so important for people to know if you want penetration to be possible, comfortable, sustainable, pleasurable, etc., you need lubes…period.
C: I’ve certainly been wet before when I really wasn’t all that turned on, too, so it can go away anyway, as well.
T: Exactly. The two are not mutually exclusive. One can happen when the other doesn’t and vice versa.
C: But people say, “If I want lube, my husband gets upset” or “I hate to do that because he’s going to think that…” Ladies, really, it’s almost like putting on a really nice oil when you get out of the shower so your skin is super soft. It’s just a luxury that you add to your lovemaking, but it’s hard to reframe people.
T: It just feels good. It feels better.
C: I know you’re not feeling well and that your back is hurting, but I really want to hear all about your new guide to fellatio.
T: Yes. This is my newest video in the Sex Education Imprint line that I do for Vivid Entertainment. We did the “Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio.”
C: Does “advanced” mean more like deep-throating and things like that?
T: Well, we have “The Expert Guide to Oral Sex – Part 2” which covers fellatio, so it covers the basics. In this advanced guide, we’ve got a couple things going on. We’ve got advanced positions, so if you’ve seen these wild positions in porn and you want to actually do them safely…
C: We say that porn stars are sexual Olympians, we’re not.
T: Exactly. Then deep-throating, things like gagging, or what does a rough blowjob look like and how do you negotiate that with your partner. For instance, if you want to actually have a really intense blowjob, how do you work that out? It’s kind of about the blowjob as a singular experience, that it doesn’t just have to be foreplay or just a 5-minute thing…it actually can be an entire sexual experience unto itself.
C: Experience and almost like a performance.
T: Yes. We shot it a slightly different way, with three cameras, including some POV, so I kind of think of it like the show “24”, but for blowjobs.
C: I’m to hear that sound that they make all through the episodes!
T: No, there’s none of that! But you can see it from every angle, and I think that’s really helpful. I’m always trying to find new ways to teach people. People learn in different ways, and I’m always trying to figure out new ways to visually help them. I feel like this video is new for me in that it’s more show and less tell.
C: I get anywhere from 3,000-5,000 listeners to my show every Wednesday morning, and usually they are regular women just like me. Is there any one special tip you’d be able to give them that maybe they can use for steak and a blow job day? www.steakandbjday.com
T: I would start with my first video, “Expert Guide to Fellatio”. That’s a given. I think that you shouldn’t be afraid to use your hands. Every good porn start uses their hands. It’s not like cheating to use your hands, and it actually increases the sensation. If you can get your hands and mouth to work in tandem, you are seriously in business.
C: If you use your hands a little bit, too, it’s almost like creating the cock ring effect, so it can intensify it for them and you. I think it’s more exciting visually, as well.
T: If your guy likes a tight grip, which some guys do – you really have to communicate about that – you can’t possibly do that with your mouth, so you’re going to have to use your hand in order to do that.
C: And my teeth get in the way all the time. I wish somebody could make a great product that could soften or cover the teeth. I know there are a few things out there, but I haven’t been very successful with them.
T: They’re horrible. I think you’ve just got to work out your own system for that. I also do talk about prostate massage during a blowjob in my video. It’s the only sex ed video on fellatio that talks about that, but sometimes the best way to spice up a blowjob is a little finger up the butt.
C: If you want to make it really efficient and quick, put the finger up the butt! Two or three years ago at the trade show I like to go to, all they talked about at every single booth was prostate stimulators. There are a lot of home party women at these conventions, and I overheard some women in front of us. One of the women said, “If they would just stop talking about this prostate massage thing, then maybe men would stop asking for it.” I thought, “Oh, that’s the wrong way to go.” The woman was supposed to be a sex educator, right, and everyone is there to learn, but she’s talking about squashing that communication. Apparently she doesn’t like to do it! Her loss.
You’re on a tour right now, too, aren’t you?
T: I am. At the end of the month I have an event that I co-produce in Washington, DC, that I call “Dark Odyssey” ( www.darkodyssey.com ). I am then off and running the entire month of March in Boulder, Denver, Portland, Salem, Seattle, Toronto…a lot of different places. People can view my schedule by going to www.PuckerUp.com and clicking on “Tristan on Tour” to see if I’m coming to their home town.
C: Also, you have another website for sustaining polyamorous relationships. What is that URL all about?
T: My open relationships website is www.OpeningUp.net.
C: Cool. You’re involved in so many different things, and I know all of it relates to educating. I can say thank you from the bottom of my heart whenever I met anybody who is a teacher, because you and Violet and Madison and the rest are really helping us kick down those last taboos and other barriers that keep us from wanting to talk about these things. Again, we’re here in the Bay Area, so people are really openly interested in all the things you do, and hopefully you’re also making some pathways into the other parts of the country or world where people are still a little bit more conservative than they are out here. Thank you.
T: Thank you for having me on your show!
C: It’s always a pleasure. Take care of yourself, have a great tour, and I’m definitely going to add your new DVD to my website.
Again, if you want to check out Tristan’s website, go to PuckerUp.com, which has her anal advisor and lots of links to the tours she does, such as going around to different colleges and her Dark Odyssey event ( www.darkodyssey.com ). If you’re interested in knowing more about how to sustain a polyamorous relationship, her other website is www.OpeningUp.net . Or just go to our blog, www.Bliss-Radio.com, and you’ll find links to her websites there. What an amazing woman. I love that she can talk about anything and everything as intelligently and elegantly as you possibly can. We like to say that a lot here: “We sell sex toys as elegantly as you can when you’re selling dildoes and butt plugs and double dongs and strap-ons.” There’s no reason to take it into the gutter. We’re all trying to elevate the concept of sex, and I appreciate that about Tristan.
If you want to check out Tristan’s DVD, we do have it available on www.BlissConnection.com . Of course, our radio listeners can always use the coupon code “radio” for 15% off. For you Bay Area listeners, I wanted to mention that we are now doing a home party we’re calling “Everything Everyone Wants to Know About the Penis.” We did a seminar 3-4 weeks ago where we did a 90-minute presentation about handjobs, blowjobs, manscaping, penis rings, etc. Now we’re doing that in a home party format. It comes to around $30 per girls if you have 10 girls ($300 total), and it takes about 90 minutes to two hours. You just get you and nine of your girlfriends together and we’ll do the Everything Everyone Wants to Know About the Penis” presentation, including teaching you how to give at least 15 styles of handjobs. It’s so much fun. We really had a blast doing the seminar, so we thought we needed to turn it into a product. Just give us a call if you’d like more information, (408) 826-9087, or email us at BlissConnection@gmail.com and we’ll get you on the calendar and tell you a little more about how the party works.
We’re taking a week off next week, but will be back with you on March 3rd with Allana Pratt and Patty Britton. If you want to hear some of our other shows while we’re off next week, you can always go to iTunes.com and type in either “Better Sex Radio” or “Bliss Radio” and you’ll find all of our podcasts there.
Thanks for tuning in today. Hope you have lots of great sex over the next two weeks, and don’t forget to check out our online store, www.BlissConnection.com , or our blog at www.Bliss-Radio.com . You can also find us on www.Facebook.com/BlissConnection. We love your emails and comments.
Have a great week and take care!
Aloe Vera Lubricant from AloeCadabra on Better Sex Radio 3/10
March 9th, 2010“Aloe is a moisturizing plant that has healing properties to promote cellular health and soothe skin as an anti-inflammatory. What’s more, Aloe Cadabra’s formula is pH balanced to the vaginal pH range of 3.8 to 5.0. Unlike chemical lubricants that alter the vagina’s natural pH and destroy the beneficial bacteria that are vital to vaginal health, Aloe Cadabra is balanced with the vagina’s natural environment.” That was taken from the AloeCadabra Blog:
Aloe Cadabra
Join me this Wednesday March 10th to learn more about this fantastic new organic lubricant that is FEMALE FRIENDLY! Aloe Cadabra is dedicated to the healthy exploration of sexuality, sex, our bodies, our relationship to those things and how those they can increase our health, well-being, happiness and prosperity.
I am excited to have Carolyn Braddock on the show to learn all about Aloe Cadabra. Tune in around 11:30 a.m. when Carolyn joins the show. http://www.BlogTalkRadio.com/BlissRadio
Want to continue the dialogue? Join our Fan Page at http://www.Facebook.com/BlissConnection
“We are Aloe Cadabra, an all natural personal lubricant for intimate pleasures made with more than 97% organic aloe vera.” Have to love a company making body safe romance products!
Stripper Pole : Tori was our Fan who won the Free Pole
March 9th, 2010
Tori, our lucky fan
Facebook Fan Page Contest: We hit 800 Fans and we offered our fans a FREE Rabbit Pearl or a FREE Stripper Pole and our lucky fan chose the Free Stripper Pole! Tori is our big winner and she was chosen randomly from our first 800 fans. (Join our Fan Page as we will be giving away something special when we hit 1,000 Fans! http://www.Facebook.com/BlissConnection )
I had the pleasure of emailing Tori this moring to tell her she is our lucky winner. She emailed me back right away to say she would LOVE the Stripper Pole. Here is her exact quote: “Hi Chrystal!! I am so excited!!! This was such an awesome email to wake up to this morning!! WELL I already have the Rabbit Vibrator so I’m going to have to go with the stripper pole! It’s going to give me more incentive to get my butt in shape so I can take those pole lessons! So you said you’d like to know some stuff about me.. I’d be happy to share! (AND I’d love to book a party with you soon as well!) Looking forward to hearing from you!”
I am just tickled she is so excited! And, Tori, I do have a business partner that will come to your home once you install the pole and she will teach you and some of your girlfriends how to really give that stripper / fitness pole a work out! Her business is called http://www.JewelSexpression.com when you are ready to book her.
Stripper Pole
And Tori, please let us know when you are ready to book your Bliss Pleasure Party! We set up a full store in your home when do a Bliss Pleasure Party and you and your friends get to take home your purchases home THAT NIGHT. No waiting at our Bliss Pleasure Parties!
Enjoy the pole! Take some pics for us once you install it. G rated please.
Blissfully, Chrystal http://www.BlissConnection.com
Keep the romance alive in a long term relationship with Patti Britton
March 9th, 2010
Dr. Britton
This week on “Better Sex Radio” we will be joined by famed Sex Coach, nationally board certified Clinical Sexologist, Sexuality Educator and Personal Coach Dr. Patti Britton.
“Dr. Patti believes that women and men have a divine birthright to experience their sexual power, eroticism and ultimate pleasure.” HALLELUJAH! Tune in March 10th at http://www.BlogTalkRadio.com/BlissRadio
This is directly from Dr. Britton’s webpage http://www.AskTheSexCoach.com
As a sexologist, I have discovered that there are five basic areas that need to be discovered, addressed, unblocked and then aligned.
1) Mind—-information, your self-talk, thinking about sexual performance, capacity for fantasy, troubling thought patterns, such as compulsivity
2) Emotions—the feelings you carry from the past, about your body and body image, what you suppress and express, how you express your emotions, and your capacity for intimacy
3) Body-image issues, knowing how your own sexual pattern works, understanding your own body’s sexual architecture and function, acknowledging your own sexual (dys)functions, learning skills for how to be a successful lover alone or with a partner
4) Energy—sex is all about energy; the build-up, the containment and the expression of energy; in my one-on-one work I am able to observe your energy patterns within yourself and with a partner (even about how your non-physical relationship dynamics) and give coaching feedback for handling this often overlooked part of your sexuality
5) Spirit—that essence of self; those esoteric moments or practices that transcend the moment, such as peak orgasm experiences; sacred sexuality; the more subtle and delicate manner in which you deny or reflect your inner self through your sexuality; the path of sex to experience the Divine or God
It’s my observation and experience that for most people all FIVE elements must be in alignment for sex to be the most fulfilling in your life. I work to help you do just that.
I am so excited to have Dr. Britton on and to learn all about her Sex Coaching practice and glean any tips we can from this amazing Sex Expert about how to keep the SPARK burning even in long term relationships. Be sure to tune in this Wednesday, March 10th at 11 a.m. Pacific! http://www.BlogTalkRadio.com/BlissRadio
You can also continue the party with us and join in the dialogue: http://www.Facebook.com/BlissConnection
Wish Upon a Wedding - America’s Original Wedding Granting Organization
March 3rd, 2010
Wish Upon a Wedding
I am so blessed and honored to be a part of this fantastic organization. Wish Upon a Wedding is the ORIGINAL Wedding Granting Organization - Wish Upon a Wedding produces weddings & civil union ceremonies at destinations across the United States for individuals facing life-threatening illness.
I am grateful to be the Medical Outreach and on the Board for Wish Upon a Wedding. When the founder, Liz Guthrie, contacted me about becoming a Board Member I had no real appreciation of her true vision of this project. WOW is all I have to say. Liz is a true visionary and it’s been such an amazing process to watch. Liz (and the other Board Members) have huge and lofty goals for this 501c3. We are expanding daily it seems, sometimes. New chapters all over the U.S. and I am so excited to say our first wedding is happening this Saturday for a brave and beautiful woman named Florence!
Stay tuned as we are all working hard to tell the world about America’s ORIGINAL Wedding Granting Organization as you will be seeing us more in the news, the blogosphere, Facebook, and everywhere! We would love to have you on board as a FAN, as a wedding grantor, a volunteer or spread the word so we can help some other lovely couples who just need a little help to make their dreams come true.
How you can help:
Join the Fan Page for Wish Upon a Wedding
Follow us on Twitter : Wish Upon a Wedding on Twitter @WishUponWedding
Become a Wish Grantor: Click on the Wish Grantor Link Here
Like all foundations, we would love a cash donation, too, and you can donate to Wish Upon a Wedding Here
And, if none of those things work for you, just volunteer some of your time to Wish Upon a Wedding.
And, stay tuned next week for the pictures and details of our first wedding. We had the honor of meeting Florence at our Launch Party and I was so touched by her strength, grace and beauty. As hard as some of the stuff we are dealing with to help the people who apply for their dream wedding is, the reward is so much greater. Great job Liz, Sasha and the whole Wish Upon a Wedding team.
Hercules The Pleasure Coach on Better Sex Radio
March 3rd, 2010
Pleasure Coach
What a treat for me! I finally get to talk with one of my Facebook friends live and on the air. Check out Hercules’ website http://www.ThePleasureCoach.org or join his Facebook Fan Page at http://www.Facebook.com/thepleasurecoach ! Hercules is such a delight on Facebook, I am so excited to get to know him better.
We are going to talk about everything from Erotic Massage for Women, America’s Sexuality Day (which is today), Viagra and so much more. I hope you will join us at 11 a.m. to tune in to hear my interview with Allana Pratt and then at 11:30 to tune it to learn more about Hercules along with me.
This is from Hercule’s blog: “I am a pleasure coach who works with women and couples to help them explore the intimate parts of their lives through the use of touch and communication.” I cannot wait to hear all about the important work Hercules does to teach women that pleasure IS THEIR birthright! We will see if he has any special erotic massage techniques around the g-spot and blended orgasms, too.
Want to join our Fan Page? Check us out at http://www.Facebook.com/BlissConnection
To tune in on March 3rd, go here at http://www.BlogTalkRadio.com/BlissRadio as we stream live at 11 a.m. Pacific.
Sex Toys: Where should you start?
February 28th, 2010
Silver Bullet
I was reminded of this topic last night at my Bliss Pleasure Party. I did a pleasure party here in the Bay Area and most of the women in attendance were over 40. (Sidebar: WOO HOO!) But, there were two women in attendance that were around 25 years old and both were newly married. I did my best not to scare them, but the party discussion may have startled them a bit. You get 10 women all over 40 in one room with some champagne and strawberries and well, the TRUTH COMES OUT no matter how much I try to sugar coat it.
So, when it came time for the ordering, each woman came back into the room where I have my Bliss store set up and that’s where they do their buying of our products. It’s a cool business model. No one wants to wait for sex toys that is for sure. Our Bliss parties are all about instant gratification. So anyone who wants to buy one can take it home that night.
When the more mature women came back in the room to shop, they each knew what they wanted EXACTLY. 1 bottle of Eros. CHECK. 1 tin of Kama Sutra Honey Dust. CHECK. 1 Love Ring. CHECK. 1 G-Spot Rabbit. CHECK. 1 box of penis rings. CHECK. 1 Anal Vibe. CHECK. These women were NO HOLDS BARRED, KATIE BAR THE DOOR, my husband and I will take one of everything! Love these smart, confident, sexy, mature women. It was just so much fun. A great evening that was all about a fab dialogue about what works for some of us and what doesn’t work for others of us.
But, then came in the younger women. I so feel for them. I was 25 once. I remember not really having a clue and not even realizing I didn’t have a clue. I kept telling them “I promise, it gets much much better.” They were nervous about what their husbands would think. They were nervous about getting addicted to a vibrator. They were not sure how to use them, what to do with them, what would happen…. they had never even had a “back massager.” I thought every girl had experience with a back massager or a shower massager!
So, where to start? I think a toy like the simple Silver Bullet is a great toy for women who have never had a sex toy before or for women who have never had an orgasm before. It’s pretty much a guaranteed orgasm if you put it on your clitoris and turn it on! I also like that it is very UNASSUMING and should not scare away a male partner that might be anxious about a vibrator. (Though we know that really smart men know that sex toys do all the heavy lifting for them!) I suggested that to both of them as a great jumping off point. So often women have only heard of the rabbit and so they think they need to have one. Of course, I would love to sell them a rabbit as I love and adore them myself and hey are around $100 compared to $14. But, I just cannot, in good conscience, sell them a rabbit when they are brand new to sex toys. I tell them to start off with the bullet, or the slender sensations or even the butterfly kiss. Once they figure out HOW A VIBRATOR will change their life, they will be back! (Like with a crack dealer, right? First rock is free!)
One of the things we discussed is that when you have sex with the same person for a long long time, eventually you have to find some ways to keep it interesting. They both agreed with me on that one. So, I think they both have bright futures and their relationships seem strong and since their husbands are young, too, I know it will just take some gentle persuasion and they will be well on their way to wedded Bliss! (Here is an article I wrote called “13 Ways to Use the Silver Bullet.”)
Want to know more about our Bliss Pleasure Parties or our Online Sex Toy Store? Join us on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/BlissConnection and let’s keep in touch!
Ready to be luscious, confident and adundant in life and love?
February 26th, 2010
Allana Pratt
ALLANA PRATT is Redefining Sensuality. She’s the author of “How To Be And Stay Sexy”, a featured columnist for eHarmony, a #1 rated Radio Host and a seasoned TV Expert on CBS, TLC, FOX, The Learning Annex, AirAmerica.com, Forbes and Christian Carter’s Catch Him and Keep Him.
As the Sexy Mom Expert featured on LeezaLIVE, Hollywood Confidential and MOMTV.com, People Magazine reported Allana was the first person Leeza Gibbons called for coaching when she signed on with Dancing with the Stars.
Allana’s interviewed everyone from Whoopi Goldberg to Debbie Ford who tell her things they may not have told themselves. If you permanently want to switch your mindset and your heartset from feeling “overwhelmed, crunchy and lacking” to “luscious, confident and abundant” in life, love and motherhood, join Allana as she hosts her Live Webcast on MingleMedia.com and nourish yourself with her Sexy, Soulful & Rich Collection. Allana’s a small town Canadian girl at heart who lives in LA with her son Gabe and she’s here to empower you to claim your sacred sensual birthright and fill up your tanks because when mama’s happy, everybody’s happy!
Tune in March 3rd at 11 a.m. P.S.T. on http://www.BlogTalkRadio.com/BlissRadio as we talk with this amazing author about how to be and stay luscious!
We “amore” the Cal Exotics Amorous Petite “twice as nice” vibe
February 22nd, 2010
Amorous Vibe
Every single time I show the Cal Exotics Amorous “petite couture collection” pink 4.75″ rabbit style vibrator at one of our Bliss Pleasure Parties, I get a chorus of “ooooooh, what is that?”
It’s all about the SWIRL that gets them drooling and suddenly paying close attention to me! The tip - the top 1.5″ of this toy - swirls and spins around very gently and seductively. (It’s almost like a gentle tongue action as it spins around.) BUY AMOROUS HERE
It helps that this vibrator is very pretty, sleek and super quiet. It quietly rotates around at the tip while the dolphin looking nose vibrates with 7 speeds of pulsations and escalations for clitoral stimulation. The rotating shaft has three speeds. Change them all around for all kinds of different combinations of fun. If you have ever read my blog at all, you know the TLC 5 Speed Bullet is my all time favorite toy ever. This Amorous Vibe toy has 7 speeds! As Wendy Williams would say ” how you doin?”
I am a big fan of the petite couture collection from Cal Exotics. This line of products from Cal Exotics is luxurious, well crafted, sleek, pretty, not tacky or too obtuse. Very discreet, soft lines and curves designed for the soft lines and curves of a woman’s body. FINALLY is all I have to say.
This toy from Cal Exotics is also made with medical grade silicone so it is made with body safe materials and has a very velvety feel to the shaft and the clitoral stimulator. Again, they have the cool new battery pack which is easy to open and close. It has a water tight seal so you can use it in your bed or in your tub. (Oh yah!) The Amorous vibe has lots of power thanks to the 3 AAA batteries and is super quiet. It’s definitely one of the quietest toys we have tried in a very long time. The noise level is a real concern for women who get distracted by the sound and for women with kids who don’t want to ADVERTISE to their family that they are using a vibrator. The super quiet toys can help women stay focused on the moment and not have their brain drift off wondering WHO can hear them playing with their toy. (Oh and the buttons are super easy to click and press, too.)
We are giving this toy 4.5 out of 5 hearts on the BlissConnection.com heart throb scale! Way to go Cal Exotics and thank you for listening to our customers and those of us who hear from women on a daily basis that we want quality, quiet, waterproof, body safe materials and toys that are artful! You delivered and we AMORE the AMOROUS.
Want to learn more about www.BlissConnection.com? Join our Facebook Fan Page at http://www.Facebook.com/BlissConnection or browse our very tasteful online romance store and you can shop for this lovely and artful vibrator on our website.
Tune in to our weekly radio show and podcast on http://www.Bliss-Radio.com/Tune-In as we stream live every Wednesday morning at 11 a.m. Pacific. You can also hear out podcasts all about sex toys, sex, dating, marriage, relationships and more - just go to iTunes.com and search on Better Sex Radio or Bliss Radio. Our show is called “Everyone Wants to Have Better Sex.”