5 Things Women Really Want when it comes to sex.

by Chrystal Bougon on June 14, 2009

www. BetterSexRadio.net  & www.BlissConnection.com  : Elevating the concept of sex and Better Sex!

Kiss your wife

Kiss your wife

As a Sex Expert & Pleasure Coach for BlissConnection.com, I have personally facilitated over 1,000 Pleasure Parties in the last 6 .5 years. That means, week in and week out , I go to my customer’s homes with my “mobile romance store” and set up shop. We set up our mini pleasure party store in their master bedroom, normally, and then I do my Pleasure Party presentation in their living room. Our hostess invites 10 – 20 of her best friends, or her book club, or her bunko group – and we talk about SEX and SEX TOYS for a couple of hours.

Let me tell you, once the wine starts flowing, the TRUTH comes out! I start my pleasure party presentation by talking about the more polite products like the edible massage oils, dvd’s, lube, the instructional books and then some of the arousal creams. We take a little break and then I launch in to our POWER TOOL presentation. Honestly, this is why most of these women show up to the party – is to learn about the sex toys and how to incorporate them into their sex lives. (They especially need help if their man is intimidated by sex toys. Savvy Men Know that Sex Toys do all the Heavy Lifting for them.)

Once the Power Tool presentation ends, we (one customer at a time) go back into the Master Bedroom  or where ever we have our “mini store” set up and that is when the guests come back one at a time and order their products privately. Now it’s on! These women, who have been primed with some chardonnay and an hour and a half of talk about sex toys tell me every detail of their love life.  Sometimes it’s inspirational (they are having fab sex and lots of sex) and other time’s it’s just sad (married for 10+ years and having no sex at all). There are about 5 issues that come up over and over and over.

Top 5 Things Women Really Want When it Comes to Sex: What women tell me when the door closes.

1.  Married women and women with children want more help with the kids and the household. The resentment they feel from carrying the majority of the load makes them DETEST the idea of being intimate with their partner.  NO SEXY TIME when your wife is angry and bitter, gents.  Gas up her car without asking. Run her “Mom van” through the drive-thru car wash for her. Take it to get the OIL changed for her. Here’s a tip that is crazy hot. Go and sanitize the bathroom WITHOUT her nagging you to do it.  Watch out! She will be drooling for you. Nothing sexier then a man cleaning the bathroom on his own accord.

2.  All women want more KISSING. It seems that most men do not get how important this is for women. Remember, for the most part, men are much more visually turned on then women. Women are tactile and our lips are SUPER sensitive. Women need A LOT of attention above the nipples – it’s called FOREPLAY. What seems to happen is that when a couple is together for more then two years, the kissing seems to stop. I am not sure why men are not as into this act as we are. Is it that they are uncomfortable with the intimacy of it? Kissing is not just for romance. It gets our motor purring. You can’t drive your car 90 mph without warming it up, right?   Maybe it doesn’t do anything for men? For women, it makes us wet, more orgasmically responsive, and VERY lusty. DO NOT skip this step. It’s high on our list for putting us in the mood for sex. Spend a minimum of 5 minutes kissing her before you start reaching for the goods – even if she is your wife! She wants to be kissed. ENJOY the kiss. We do. (And, for you bad kissers, bone up on this topic. That goes for men and women. Learn how to be come a better kisser.)

3.  Women want a massage! Can’t sign up for a full body massage? See what happens when you rub her feet or legs with some massage oil. OMG you will be rewared generously. Massage her neck and shoulders for 10 minutes after she cooks dinner. AND, do it with NO expectation of sex. That annoys us! However, when we get a little massage it does put is more in the mood  – so maybe later! Just try it and see what happens.  Most women will worship the ground you walk on if you massage their feet. And, if you massage her once in awhile she may be inspired to massage you, too.

4.  Tell her how hot she is!  Tell her you find her intoxicatingly sexy – to steal the words from one of our male customers. As women, from the time we are about 2, we get bombarded by the media every second of the day that we are too old, too wrinkled, too fat, too blonde, too brunette, too skinny, too busy, terrible Moms, etc etc.  All of this stuff plays with our heads. We feel inadequate, we feel ugly or fat compared to Jen Aniston or Jessica Alba. We need to hear what you think. Do you love our smile, our eyes, our thick thighs or our super toned arms? Tell us. We need to feel you think we are attractive, sexy, hot, sweet, lovely, smart, hot, pretty, cute, hot, smoldering, and hot. I know we shouldn’t need it, but we need to hear from you to give us the confidenc to wear the lingerie or the sexy panties you bought for us.

5. We have a dirty and kinky side, too. We like porn, we like being talked to in a dirty way on occasion, we like to be spanked on occasion, we masturbate, we like our hair pulled on occasion, we like it when you kink things up a bit, we want you to take control on occasion, we want you to tie us to the bed and blindfold us sometimes,  we like when you bring us home a new toy or some crotchless panties, we love it when you light a candle for us, we LOVE to receive oral sex (even if she has you convinced she doesn’t) ….  though we might sometimes act like we don’t. We have been programmed our whole lives to be the GOOD GIRL. We know you want us to be part good girl and part dirty girl.  We’re trying!

We are also programmed to be GIVERS and PLEASERS. It is very hard for many women to ASK for something sexually. We have been trained to GIVE you pleasure. It’s subtle, but our whole lives we have been programmed to nurture and that it’s “better to give then recieve.” Just laying there receiving pleasure from you can make us tense unless we are doing something nice for you at the same time.

We are also natural multi-taskers, which is why we are always looking to do something back to you when you are doing something to us. It’s hard for us to just relax and recieve. Work hard to make sure she knows how much you ENJOY giving her pleasure. We aren’t so sure when it comes to this and we need to know.  It may help us to relax and be in the moment.

I think this changes as women get older and maybe why this is the AGE OF THE COUGAR. As we get older, we realize it is ok to receive. Sometimes to ONLY just receive. We become more comfortable asking for what we want. When we are younger we just don’t have that confidence. A woman who knows what she wants and needs is HOT!

I could go on and on, but this is what I hear every weekend. Latina girls, Black girls, Asian girls, White girls, cougars, girls in their 20’s, Gay women, you name it I meet them and we all have the same desires. We all want to have great sex! We all want to connect with our partner. We want to be better lovers and we want you to know that we DO LOVE SEX.  Now let’s get the vibrator out and have some fun.

Chrystal Bougon, Pleasure Coach & Sex Expert


Tel: 408-826-9087

Email: Chrystal@BlissPartiesInc.com


{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Rita White June 14, 2009 at 11:52 pm

I think what your doing is awesome and everyone needs a Sex Expert in their lives!

Kara_Sutra June 15, 2009 at 8:29 am

I am in full support of what you’re trying to achieve and completely believe that there is a need for women like you and I to break down the barriers, revealing the truth behind sex, sexuality, a comfortability in ones own body and taking control when it comes to achieving an orgasm. I think your free bullet program is something that will change the way women have sex and I’m so glad you’re doing it!

Keep up the amazing work!!


margarita June 15, 2009 at 11:29 am

So true! I would love to read about the other side too … what do men want when it comes to sex? Thanks for all your tips, Chrystal … they’re not just amusing, they’re also amazingly accurate! A sexpert, you are!

Margie Krasno June 15, 2009 at 1:25 pm

I find that all of the information that you give us is so important to maintaining the excitement in our sex lives. I always find something new to read and enjoy learning from the best “sexpert” I know! I love it when I get a great foot massage, and I loved finding out that I have a dirty and kinky side as well, WooHoo!

Chrystal Bougon June 15, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Thanks so much, Kara. Be sure to check out Kara’s videos on her You Tube Channel – she tells it like it is! http://www.YouTube.com/Hollidaychild

Dawn Thomas June 15, 2009 at 8:12 pm

All so true, CB! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge about sex in a fun, classy way! You are awesome and society needs to pay great attention to what you have to say!

Dawn Thomas’s last blog post..Would You Rather Be a Benefit or a Burden?

Chrystal Bougon June 16, 2009 at 10:56 pm

Thanks, Dawn! You know me, ELEVATING the concept of sex!

Chrystal Bougon June 16, 2009 at 10:57 pm

Thanks so much for your feedback, Margie. Hey, we need to connect when I am back about having you quote on a MENU/Booklet for my parties. Thanks again, CB

Chrystal Bougon June 16, 2009 at 10:58 pm

I thought I replied to your blog comment, but I guess not. Thanks so much, Kara, for the blog love. I hope we can continue to hit em with both barrells and help everyone in North America have better sex.

Cassandra Rae June 24, 2009 at 9:35 am

Chrystal, you rock! You truly are a Sexpert. The Hubs and I were just talking recently about what I enjoy about sex and I was totally stumped! I realized that I had been operating from this place of, “It’s all about the man. What does he enjoy? How can I pleasure him?” I’m so excited to explore and find out what really turns ME on! Thank you for sharing all of your great insights.

Cassandra Rae’s last blog post..Are you ready for laughter and music and cheers – oh my!?

Dawn Tulman June 24, 2009 at 10:59 am

What a great posting Chrystal! #1 is something I’ve been trying to work on with my husband for a bit now and I’m proud to say, have finally achieved success with!

I just finally told him… I do TOO MUCH stuff everyday. I have little energy left for “lighting the fire” at the end of the night. In addition, we are both very busy people. Sometimes the only quality time we have to chat is while I’m making dinner. Now he peels carrots, stirs the pot or just leans on the counter and we chat. It’s increased our intimacy significantly. Lately I just told him “I don’t get gas… that’s a man’s job!” I won’t ask you to give yourself a blow job and you don’t ask me to get gas LOL. It was a very visual description and I haven’t had to gas up the family van since! I run my own business, take care of my family and am all about equal rights for women – but I don’t WANT to do those things 😉

Thanks for putting this out there! This is something that should definitely be re-posted until all the men on the planet read AND understand it 😉 Good job!

Kidder Kaper June 24, 2009 at 11:16 am

This list is so true! Nice work on the compile.

Kathy STurr June 24, 2009 at 12:09 pm

Chrystal, as always, simply fabulous! You know Kurt and I are huge fans, and I think no matter how great one thinks their sex life is, it’s always good to read posts such as this to remind us of what keeps it all going strong. And, when you try new things, who knows what secret passions and desires you’re uncover! hee hee I’m looking forward to the flip side … “What Men Really Want!”.

David Bruce Leonard June 26, 2009 at 1:09 am

Speaking of kissing, here is an unusual awareness exercise from How to Worship the Goddess and Keep Your Balls: A Man’s Guide to Sacred Sex

Infinite Kiss (Wei Wu Wei Kissing)
In Infinite Kissing we allow our mouths to become sensual organs that explore our partner’s lips and even parts of her face. We do not explore her lips for our pleasure, or for her pleasure, but just to explore. We are not chasing arousal, although arousal may happen.
As we allow our kiss to become infinite, we become lost in the swirling moist embrace of our lovers mouth. Once we have learned to immerse ourselves in our lover’s lips without agenda we may become addicted. We may find ourselves missing whole days of work due to this exercise.

David Bruce Leonard June 26, 2009 at 1:23 am

And speaking of massage …
Click here: http://www.davidbruceleonard.com/HTWTG_Bodywork.pdf
For a free sample of erotic massage techniques from How to Worship the Goddess and Keep Your Balls: A Man’s Guide to Sacred Sex

Christine Arylo July 4, 2009 at 5:43 pm

I just have a few words… own your sexuality.
Okay and a few more…
Owning your sexuality has nothing to do with how often you have sex or how much you enjoy it — although i will say that both will increase if you own your sexuality. Owning your sexuality is about throwing off the social stigmas and embracing a power so deep and sacred.

As women, we have been conditioned to repress our sexuality for centuries. Been told it’s dirty, lewd, only for closed doors or only to be controlled by another. And that is because there is such HUGE power in it. When we are connected to our sexual energy we have infinite ability to create … we are liberated to express ourselves and create the life we want. So if you are 21st century woman and you can’t yet fully embrace or express your sexuality (and just so you know most women can’t) or if you’re not even sure what that means (most of us don’t know until we’ve started exploring) … start exploring sexuality and your sexuality, and you’ll be amazed at what you find!

Chrystal Bougon July 5, 2009 at 10:43 am

Oh so true, Christine. I am going to grab a piece of what you wrote and post it on Facebook. This is an important conversation. Thanks so much. You really put a fine point on the topic of female sexual energy and I love it.
Blissfully, Chrystal

Ilse July 9, 2009 at 12:50 am

Thanks for the awesome post, Chrystal! I think one of the most profound things we do in life is bonding with a partner or a friend, whatever gender, because it requires us to push our boundaries, grow, communicate… to do things differently and open ourselves up.

Austin August 1, 2009 at 11:20 pm

To be honest, I don’t understand why you don’t publish 5 things men really want when it comes to sex as well. Shouldn’t men’s partners be expected to give them the same level of favors to please them sexually? Lots of things men want done the woman simply “doesn’t want to do”, and it seems strange to me that men are expected to go out of their way to please the woman with and not expect them to return the sentiment. Sure you see sex idols who always seem to be jumping through hoops to please the man, as is the fantasy, but in my opinion the majority of women are not willing to go through so much trouble just to “please a man” consistently. Whereas a man might like you to put on a sexy stripping show for him as foreplay, you might want him to kiss you more and “butter you up”; to be honest I get the feeling as a reader that inconvenience to men is all a part of the sexual game and that females are some goddess to be put on a pedestal and waited on hand and foot. This, of course, leads me to my next point which is that I find that this article makes the blatant assumption of the traditional female/male stereotype that all men are disgusting, selfish, and do “man things”, and that all women are clean, under-appreciated, and do feminine things like make dinner and drive minivans. If you want empowerment sexually and otherwise stop assuming that every woman lives a life that was televised twenty years ago. Just my two cents.

Chrystal Bougon August 2, 2009 at 1:36 am

Great input. I would love to hear more from you about what it is men really want from sex. I am compiling that article and have done some surveys and have been asking men everywhere I go and can discuss this type of stuff.

My article is just based on talking to women within our Home Pleasure Party evironment, so we do tend to do more parties for heterosexual women/moms. We have done some pleasure parties for lesbian groups, poly groups, bi groups so these ideas all came from the input I have received from the over 10,000 women I have talked to in the last 6.5 years.

I agree – women need to show enthusiasm, work hard to keep it fresh, pay attention to variety, and all the things you sugges. Everyone’s favorite technique is ETHUSIASM no matter what it comes to in the romance or sex department.

Please do send me your ideas and I would love to incorporate into my “what men want” from sex article. Thanks for your input. How did you learn about our blog? Sincerely, Chrystal

lucia lehrer June 19, 2010 at 5:02 am

I agree with everything on that list. But I believe that since boys will be boys, instead of complaining, a woman can initiate an evening of pleasure.
There are ways of dealing with the kids for and evening, or even mid day trysts, when the kids are at school. While women sit and complain, their husbands are getting massages at my apartment. What “I” always hear is, I love my wife, we have a great relationship, but you know “I’m a man”.
I know a lot of us sex advisers love to help, But what ever we say, and however we try to convey the importance of great sex, lets face it if you don’t have it in you, it might never happen!….I do believe that the woman has the power! And if a man is treated like a man, most of them would do exactly what the women want. I started to add videos on fb, to explain the importance of femininity. Maybe with that notion, There will be a lot of moaning at night:)

Funnygirl408 February 10, 2012 at 10:50 am

Yes!!! More kissing!!! That is the best and makes everything else you do, that much better!!!

Zencat April 14, 2013 at 8:55 am

You forgot: some of us like to tie our men up and spank them….

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