Does this woman WANT to give and receive pleasure with me?

by Chrystal Bougon on July 19, 2010

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We blogged about “Orgasming with a Man” and all of the insecurities and the intense stream of consciousness some women have before they decide to have sex with someone new. This came about after I got a request to fill out a survey for a website where they are researching women and our pleasure response. The survey came from a site called .  The question I thought was so intriguing was this: ““Question: Once a woman starts making love with a man, what causes her to be orgasmic with him?”  And this link to our blog includes this inner dialogue that MarriedAndHappy suggests some women have.  The author had such a fantastic response and from a male perspective, too, I wanted to highlight it for all of you:

From Calle Zorro of :

“Your statement of “No one can give you an orgasm. It’s your job to have an orgasm, not someone’s job to give you one.” is SOOOO true.

And you know, it’s the craziest thing…too many women are waiting around for someone to GIVE them one…and all they need to do is take the reins so to speak and HAVE one!

There’s nothing to “get”…they already HAVE everything that’s needed.

But of course, it’s hard to HAVE an orgasm when a woman’s mind is on everything EXCEPT what it’s supposed to be focused on during lovemaking. For example, how can a woman expect to have an orgasm if she’s analyzing and trying to figure out what her lover thinks of her looks or size? How can she expect to have an orgasm if she’s paranoid over keeping her lover from seeing her butt (or some other part of her anatomy) in a certain light or angle?

I can assure you, when a woman is naked with him, NO normal, decent, reasonable man is thinking about or even noticing some wrinkle, bulge, or stretch-mark. He’s ONLY thinking about ONE line of thought:

Does this woman WANT to give AND receive affection and pleasure WITH me? Does she WANT to enjoy me WHILE I enjoy her? Does she WANT to be with me like I WANT to be with her? Does she WANT to give herself to me like I want to give myself to her?

And, if the answer is “Yes!” then the woman could look like an elephant or a giraffe for all the man cares.

This is why ALL guys like James Bond movies…in addition to the action, they can pretend for an hour and a half that they are that guy with whom a sexually-charged woman WANTS to be with.

Same thing with porn…and by no means am I condoning or promoting porn…I’m just making a point…many women see what men are looking at and they feel intimidated…they get offended and feel cheated…because they THINK there is no way they can “compete” with the sculptured, oiled, highlighted women in porn…and they totally miss that the ONLY thing the guy is noticing is how much the woman LIKES and WANTS to be affectionate and sexual with the male actor…and how much the woman enjoys everything. And of course, porn doesn’t at all represent reality…but it TOTALLY sums up the essence of what a man wants…a woman who WANTS him with a passion!

For a man, there is NO “love-connector” more powerful than a woman who WANTS to share affection and pleasure WITH him…in spite of HIS faults AND HERS!

So, ladies, LET GO of any negative stuff in your head…WANT your man…WANT to feel pleasure…and HAVE yourself a wonderful, incredible, deeply-connecting orgasm with your man.”

From Chrystal: Would love your comments here. What do you think? Ladies – is it helpful? Does it help you to know his perspective and can you use this to replace those negative “tapes” we all have running through our own heads and replace them with these positive thoughts? We’d love to hear from you here.

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