Is it o.k. to have a sex surrogate if your partner has E.D.?

by Chrystal Bougon on June 21, 2010

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This has been a hot topic in the last month around here at Bliss.  Emails from customers, confidential discussions with friends, questions on Aardvark, and a hot topic at our Bliss pleasure parties recently have been centered around the issue of erectile dysfunction. Suddenly it seems like every where I go, the topic of ED gets mentioned. I am not an expert on this topic, so I am hoping to hear from some of the Sex Educators in my sphere of influence.

Do cock rings, pumps or sprays help? Lord knows there a ton of products in this sex toy industry that say they work for ED. I have no idea! I want to share the latest and greatest information about the products that do work, so I am hoping the Sexologists, doctors, therapists, relationship coaches and my “fans” will add their two cents here.

I realize it can be a tough subject for some to discuss, but honesty and authenticity will help EVERYONE. I am not sure why men tend to have that gene that keeps them from wanting to see a doctor EVER…. but especially around issues with their penises. I feel for men. I am sure it’s gotta be a horribly intimidating discussion to have.  My heart goes out.

I also feel for the women who are relationships with men who have this challenge. We have no idea what to do. We don’t want to put the additional pressure on our partners which can make the matter worse. We do not want to pressure them to see a doctore because we know that NEVER works.

The women I have talked to LOVE and adore their men. What do they do? Where do they start? What should the conversation go like with their partner? Are there any products that can help? I have typically suggested the stretch cock rings like the magic rings to start off with since they are so affordable and I know that they can help a man maintain an erection longer then usual and it does slow the blood from recirculating so quickly which can make for a harder erection and a longer lasting erection?

Do some couples use a sex surrogate for the female partner. How does that work? Can that make the situation or better or worse? I know it’s always tricky to bring in a third party into the mix and it only works for certain couples no matter what the situation. I think this could go horribly wrong for some couples, so I am leary to suggest this idea.

Please – experts – your thoughts, ideas, tips, products, comments. I am hoping we can create a great thread that is full of  lots of info, tips, links and resources for our Bliss fans and friends that are struggling with erectile dysfunction.


Chrystal, Sex Toy Expert


{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Linda June 22, 2010 at 8:36 am

Hi Chrystal–

Beautiful site. I’m a psychotherapist who sees primarily adults and teens for anxiety and depression. When sexual issues come up, which they often do, we discuss physical ailments that may be affecting ED, low libido, etc. Many male clients who take medicine to control high blood pressure report serious sexual side effects…Some stop taking the meds b/c of ths. Also, anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds take a sexual toll.

In the absence of a medical reason, my experience is that unresolved issues of anger directed at their partners are the culprit…

I’ll have to ask about /suggest sex toys during my assessments perhaps…?

Hope this is helpful,

Chrystal June 22, 2010 at 11:02 pm

Thanks for the comment, Linda. Yes, we would love to know if the penis rings or the pumps actually help. That is interesting that resentment can be an issue – that is often the culprit for a woman’s low libido.

Please share any info you find as this is a super important topic to my fans and readers.

Joe June 26, 2010 at 10:31 am

Hello Chrystal-

I’m a guy who listens to your show via itunes. I’d like to add a comment about men not going to the doctor. Not all men shy away from going to the doctor. Why can’t they keep something close to a schedule? I work nights and always request “to be their first patient of the day.” I tell the appointment desk why. The appointment is scheduled for 8:30. I arrive in plenty of time for insurance verification, etc. Then I wait. Other patients show up without appointments. They are escorted on in and after about twenty minutes they leave. I’m still waiting. By 9:30 I’m out the door.
ED is not a problem for me. My wife has depression and cannot handle the meds. My insurance does cover counseling but she absolutely refuses to go.
Thanks for the show. They are always interesting and entertaining.

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