Kissing: Can you kiss your way to better sex?

by Chrystal Bougon on December 11, 2009

 I woke up this morning and was having a very nice “make out” dream and that got me inspired to reflect on what it is we know about kissing and how it can lead to very INSPIRED sex.  I hear from a lot of women at our home Bliss Pleasure Parties that KISSING and MAKING OUT is one of the first things that seem to go by the wayside in a long term relationship.  SO SAD! For women, kissing and making out is one of the best ways to REV our engines and turn us into that lusty bed partner you GUYS always say you want in your bedroom. (Or as comedian Steve Harvey says “a lady on the street and a freak in the sheets.)

According to the Wiki, this is the definition of a KISS: “A kiss is the touching of one’s lips to another person or object, used to express love, passion, affection, respect, greeting, and good luck. The word comes from Old English cyssan “to kiss”, in turn from coss “a kiss”.”

Check out this paragraph from an article that I found on from Dr. Susan M. Hughes:    “Whether it’s your first kiss or your fiftieth, “women, more so than men, use kissing as an assessment device,” says Susan M. Hughes, Ph.D. “Men, however, would forgo kissing as long as they can have sex.”   You can read their full story on MensHealth here.   I wonder why that is? Why is it that women enjoy kissing so much more then men?  I often coach men that a woman’s lips has a sort of direct expressway to our genitals and that spending 20 minutes abover our nipples helps us to lubricate and orgasm more easily. (Plus, women who report that they are able to ejaculate report that they require quite a bit of foreplay for that skeins gland to fill with their ejaculatory fluid.)

Have you heard of the Oprah / Dr. Berman 10 Second Kiss Challenge?  I wrote about it earlier this year after Oprah had that big “vibrator” episode.  Their theory is that spending a good 10 seconds a day (or every time you see your partner) kissing can strengthen your relationship and my theory is that it will lead to GREAT SEX. This woman, Shari McDonald has a very witty blog about she and her husband timing their 10 second kisses and how much fun they had with it!  I think it’s sort of fun to set the timer like Shari and her husband did. (I am type A and very goal oriented, LOL!)   Challenge your partner and see what he or she says. It could be fun! Or at a minimum, it will be funny. (After all, Great Sex is all about a great attitude and having a playful nature.)

I was going to try and come up with some tips for being a great kisser, but then I found these on Glamour and I think they captured some of the best advice I have seen on the topic.  7 Tips for Being a Better Kisser

(Author Joanna Goddard’s 7 Tips here from

1.) Make your lips super soft. Before you kiss, brush your lips with your toothbrush and then apply Chapstick. Then, right before you kiss, lick your lips.

2.) Slooooow down. When I’m nervous, I get chatty, but rapid-fire conversation is the fastest way to ruin a romantic moment. So just slow down. Stop talking. Give him a subtle smile. Move closer. Look in his eyes. Count his blinks. Just be. Voila! Suddenly you’ll find that it’s the perfect moment for a kiss.

3.) Mix it up. When you start kissing, ease into it. You basically can’t go too slowly, so just enjoy the moment. And as you continue kissing, shake it up by alternating between slow and fast, hard and soft, little pecks and deeper kisses, closed mouth and French kisses

4.) Let your hands roam. We talked about where we put our hands during kisses (mine shoot right to Alex’s cheeks!) but it’s great to move your hands while you smooch. Run your fingers through his hair, put your hands on his face, rub his shoulders, pull his shirt towards you and, as things heat up, press the small of his back toward you (so sexy!)

5.) Kiss his jawline. Don’t ask me why, but guys love love love to be kissed on the jawline. Kiss along his jaw all the way to the end, near his ear. Trust me, he will freak out.

6.) Breathe on his skin. There’s nothing sexier than being close enough to feel your crush’s breath, so as you kiss his neck or cheek or ears, breath gently on his skin. It adds a certain intimacy that takes the kiss to a new level.

7.) Finish off sweetly. When the kiss is over, keep your eyes shut for an extra second, then slowly open them and smile. This will not only lengthen the schmoopy experience for you, but will also show him that you’re truly into the kiss–and into him.

What a fabulous topic! I could spend all day researching this stuff. Have something you want to share about your favorite kissing technique? Share it here or join us on our Facebook Fan Page at  and go KISS someone for 10 seconds today!

We also have a SPECIAL DEAL going on right now… if you use the coupon code KISS when you make a purchase on our very tasteful online romance store at we will ship you a Free Butterfly Kiss with your $40 purchase!


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan Liddy December 15, 2009 at 11:07 pm

Oh, what a *fun* article, Chrystal!
I LOVE kissing.
So very sexy.
And, your #7 above… finish it off slowly… eyes closed… let it linger.
Good stuff.

Susan Liddy

PS. I’ve been having kissing dreams recently. How funny to read that you do too. 🙂

Chrystal Bougon December 16, 2009 at 12:26 am

Oh nice. We must be drinking the same water, Susan. I LOVE kissing / making out dreams. Sort of takes you back to high school/college days. 🙂

Happy Holidays, Chrystal

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