Does it Matter if you Orgasm, too, Ladies?

by Chrystal Bougon on January 28, 2010

Some say it doesn’t matter if I don’t have an orgasm. I say it does!  (Previously published on in August 2009)

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Chrystal Bougon

Chrystal Bougon

I am on a mission to teach women of all ages that “Your Orgasm is Your Responsibilty; It’s Your Job to Have One, Not Someone’s Job to Give You One.”   Ladies, we spent our 20’s and maybe even our 30’s worried about our partner’s pleasure. It’s time we take some time for ourselves and make our own sexual pleasure a priority.

I know it took me until about the age of 30 to realize that the more I enjoyed myself, the more my partner enjoyed himself. Sure, sex is still great without an orgasm, but why not just have one? I understand that love making can bring on a feeling of well being, it can elevate your mood and it can bond you with your partner. In my own personal experience, I can personally attest that I think it also helps to mend those wounds that people who live under the same roof (or not) can sometimes inflict on one another. (Those of you in long term relationships sharing a living space know the “sometimes I want to wring his neck” syndrome we all sometimes suffer from when co-parenting or co-habitating.)

We know our male partners have an orgasm 99.99% of the time we make love. And, we know that intercourse is clearly not designed with the female orgasm in mind. Intercourse is designed with REPRODUCTION in mind. The penis enters the vagina at an angle that is most conducive to delivering the sperm to the egg, right? That was the intention. We need to change that intention!

Depending on your position, the penis rarely comes in contact with the clitoris all on it’s own. And, for most of us, it’s all about the clitoris. 50 – 75% of us cannot acheive an orgasm from intercourse alone. As it was so pefectly stated on Dr. Phil’s website, “Even for women who do orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone, most still need the right position to provide clitoral stimulation.” (From

So, that brings me back to my point. YOUR ORGASM IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! We need to give ourselves permission to say “hey, I want one, too.”  We need to change our inner dialogue and remind ourselves that we are worthy of this pleasure and deserve this devine pleasure. If we have difficulty having an orgasm during partner sex, incorporate a toy into the mix. Own this issue – do not put it on your partner. Learn how to give yourself an orgasm alone and I promise you, it will become easier and easier to have one with a partner. (Check out our website. We want EVERY woman in the U.S. to have a bullet vibrator!)

Just like anything else, practice makes perfect. That means, GASP…. yes, ladies…. you need to masturbate. I know that some women of a certain age were conditioned to believe that masturbation is “bad” or “dirty” and that is such a shame. Some of us have religious issues and some of us just have “masturbation is for bad girls” stuck in our brains. Your maker gave you a clitoris and the only purpose of your clitoris is to give you an orgasm. It has no other functionality at all. It’s sole purpose is to give you an orgasm. Give yourself permission to use it, figure it out and really love yourself. Pretty soon you will stop talking about how it’s “ok that I didn’t have an orgasm” because you still enjoyed it. That is the OLD WAY of thinking. Stop Faking It, Just Have One!


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