Be like “Leonard” from “The Big Bang Theory” and be the “king of foreplay.” Ok, who doesn’t love “The Big Bang Theory?” Bazinga! (Here’s a link to some funny as all hell “BBT” quotes.)
I saw this episode the other day where “Leonard” describes himself as the “King of Foreplay” and it’s been rattling around in my brain ever since. It got me thinking – why don’t ALL humans want to be known as the queen or king of foreplay? Why are some lovers givers and some lovers takers? Don’t we all want to be thought of as a GREAT lover? (Are you a great lover game for couples.)
And, why do some people LOVE learning new things about how to become a better lover and some people never even give it another thought? I mean, I never went to a school that taught me how to please a partner. Where I went to public school (in Las Vegas) all they taught in Sex Ed is how not to get pregnant. How to use condoms. How to avoid STD’s. The functionality of my fallopian tubes. ( This made me smile when Ducky Doolittle brought up this fallopian tubes comment at the Orgasm seminar we had at my Curvy Girl store last Friday night.)
I think the sign of a great lover is someone who picks up and reads everything they can get their hands on that has to do with sexual techniques, tips, sexual health, etc etc. Someone who is on a life long quest to learn and try things and to always work on becoming a great lover. The moment you think you know everything is the moment you are in trouble. There is always more to learn. (And, some of the magazines tips are RIDIC, but still fun and funny to read. They may still inspire you.)
So that brings me to some foreplay ideas to share with all of you. And would LOVE for you to add to this list, too. That way wen all learn some new foreplay ideas from each other! We all get into a rut. We all need new ideas all of the time, so please share.
1. Play with her hair. (Play with his hair.) Lightly touching her hair, stroking her hair, pulling out small pieces and sliding your fingers gently down the shaft of the hair. (that sounded dirty didn’t it) I cannot speak for men, but for many women, our hair and head are super sensitive.
2. If she is good and warmed up, pull her hair. (At the base only though. You have to grab it at the nape for it to feel good.) So put your fingers in there and gently grab a hand full and pull her head back and give her a deep kiss.
3. Text her or email how hot you think she is and how beautiful her butt, vulva, vagina, pussy, ass, clit, breasts, nipples, hips, lips, face or something else that ONLY you could compliment her on. Does that make sense? (Again, thank you Ducky Dolittle for this tip.) It’s not the kind of compliment a stranger can give her. So it’s very personal and very meaningful.
4. Give her a foot rub. Use some edible massage oil so you can nibble and suck on her clean toes. We love the vanilla making love oil for just such fun! Our dogs are tired! (There is a reason Dr. Oz says a foot rub is the fastest way into her panties.)
5. Spend some time on her neck and ears during the day. Our ears and necks are super sensitive and it feels very personal and very intimate and sensual. It warms us up for later when we can feel your breath and your heat. It’s another place no one every touches or kisses….. so it’s your own special place and the keys to the kingdom.
6. KISS HER. Even if you are married. Even if you have been together forever. Don’t be one of those stereotypical “sit com” couples who never make out when you make love. Your wife or girlfriend is not your whore (well unless you both agree to that kind of fun) … to be a great lover it is required. Otherwise it’s just “f*cking” and anyone can do that. Kissing her deeply leaves an impression. It makes everything else you do along with the kissing so much hotter and more memorable.
7. Massage her inner thighs with oil. Include her butt cheeks and labia. Study “yoni massage” so you know how to use your fingers and hands well around her labia, clitoris, and vaginal opening. If you want A LOT MORE leeway when you royally “F” up – become a WORLD CLASS lover. It will make it easier for her to get over the stupid shit you do on occasion. Trust me. A lover who knows how to operate the clitoris, labia and vaginal opening with their hands is very MEMORABLE and HOT. (The Eros Silicone Lube is great for this because when you are both ready for the intercourse, everything will me slick and primed.)
8. Learn to give MIND BLOWING oral sex to your lover. Learn how to use your tongue to slowly work your way to her clitoris. Don’t just go straight for it. Kiss and tickle her lips and inner thighs and get her all worked up knowing you are heading that way. But start slowly and let her body lubricate and engorge with blood. The reward for building up the anticipation will be a VERY wet “play ground” for your fingers, mouth and later for your penis. Our clitoris and the surrounding area has 8,000 nerve endings. GO SLOW. (Only something like 24% of women can have a vaginal orgasm on a regular basis. Most of us need CLIT stimulation on a regular basis.)
*** Special note to my male readers. Are there a few women / blow jobs in your spank bank that are super memorable? Maybe a past lover who you just could not say goodbye to because of the porn star style blow jobs she gave you? You remember how amazing that b.j. was and how many times you have replayed it over and over in your brain? Well, we do that too. We REMEMBER those oral sex experiences and keep them filed away in our spank bank, too. Be memorable. Go for it. Devour her vulva, clitoris, vagina, cookie, kitty, pussy – whatever you want to call it – like it’s your last meal. We enjoy a lot of enthusiasm when it comes to oral, too. ***
9. No anal SURPRISES, but gently work your way to her culo with a well lubed finger or tongue. Did you know that the male and female anus has approximately 6,000 nerve endings? This area of our bodies cannot lubricate on it’s own. For comfortable anal play we will need lube, even when we are not having any kind of finger or penis penetration. If you are just playing around that area, we will need lube. If you have any plans on going in, we will need small things first, foreplay and good lube. (My blog on 9 tips for pain free anal sex.)
10. Practice talking dirty to each other. If you are uncomfortable doing that, go to red tube or x tube and search for movies with “dirty talk” and listen to how the amateur or professional porn stars talk to each other and them adapt it for your bedroom. Not all women enjoy being called “slut” in their bedroom, so be sure you know what your lover might respond to. But, women are Very aural. We want to hear you. We respond when we hear you moan. We will really respond when you talk to us. Especially if we are doing something nice to you. 🙂 (Men, stop being so damn quiet in the bedroom. We need some feedback, too.)
11. Learn more about spanking, impact play, tantric breathing, temperature play, yoni massage, sensory depravation, orgasm denial, edging, nipple clamps, floggers, blindfolds, ticklers, warm wax massage candles, using things from around your house for some “bondage on a budget” kinds of fun. Explore. Communicate. Don’t be judgey. It’s just sex. Judgey is NOT SEXY. If you want to have a rich, exciting sex life for the rest of your life – one of you is going to have to get brave and try some things outside of your comfort zone. Take a risk. Roll the dice and do anything you can to have her tell all of her friends you are the KING OF FOREPLAY and a GREAT LOVER. Like world class, “I will never forget you” kind of lover. A “oh my god, all I can think about all day long is your tongue/finger/penis/lips” kind of lover.
Sex / Making Love should be a journey. The orgasm may be your destination, but enjoy and prolong the journey to get there. It will be so much more intense when you do get there.
And, before people start blowing up my comments here – this goes for you too, ladies. Spruce up your skills. Create a culture of exploration and open communication. Ask your lover what he wants to try. Ask him what kind of foreplay he enjoys and then do it with enthusiasm! (And, ladies, if you need some inspiration – stop by my Curvy Girl Lingerie store in Willow Glen. We carry plus size lingerie and all kind of yummy romance products at our store.)
Ok, here is where you get to suggest other foreplay tips for men and women. This is here to help us all with new ideas. What else can you suggest all of us? We’re all lovers here. We want your foreplay tips. Please share here so we can all try them out soon.
