6 Things That Make it Difficult for Women to Orgasm

by Chrystal Bougon on September 20, 2009

You may be surprised by some of the things that can make it difficult for women to climax.  Did you know too much caffiene can affect your ability to climax? Read more below:

Quick List: 6 Things That Make it Difficult for Women to Orgasm by Sex Expert, Chrystal Bougon http://www.BlissConnection.com    http://www.BetterSexRadio.net

1.  Stress:  This is a no brainer. Women have more difficulty getting in the moment generally speaking. That is especially true when we are stressed. Men tend to be better at compartmentalizing their stress and issues at work or at home. Women have a hard time turning it all off and making time for FUN or for some intimacy when we’re stressed. So, when we are super stressed, we can try and try but what normally works to help us climax may not work when we are over stressed. The kicker here is that an orgasm is a FAB stress reliever. (This is a good time to bust out your Silver Bullet vibe and incorporate it into your masturbation session or partner play.)

2. Lack of Sleep: I hear it all of the time from women at our home parties… women would rather sleep an extra 10 or 15 minutes then make time for sex. I believe that is partially because when we are SUPER tired, we have more trouble orgasming. This is where I like to coach women and couples to make time in the morning before their kids wake up or before their alarm clock goes off. When women have had 6 to 8 hours of rest, we are more responsive and lubricate more easily and orgasm more easily. When we have had some rest, our hormone levels are higher which makes it easier for us to be turned on, lubricate and orgasm. (Or even try getting “busy” in the middle of the night when you are both sort of in that lucid state, very relaxed, it’s very dark and you are all cozy and under the covers.)

3. Antihistamines (Allergy Meds): Allergy medications dry out EVERYTHING. They work well by drying out your nose and other mucus membranes. Most women don’t put their vaginal dryness issues together with the fact that they take allergy meds. You can be SUPER turned on and still be very dry vaginally if you take medication for yoru hay fever or other allergies.  Just keep the EROS or other lube bottle nearby during those months when you take your allergy meds and you are back in business!

4. Anti-Depressants:  Don’t despair if you are finding your sex drive and your ability to orgasm diminishes a bit when you take anti-depressants. There is hope! Many people find that a clitoral toy is just the trick. As you probably know if you take meds for depression or other mental health challenges – they screw up your pleasure center in your brain which is why it’s harder to climax. But, the research that does exist out there (it’s minimal currently) suggests if you are tenacious with the DIRECT clitoral stimulation, you will be able to climax. It just may take a little more time then it took before you started taking the meds.

This is an interesting article about Meds and Orgasms from the Kinsey Confidential.  This is another good time to consider using a clitoral stimulator when you are masturbating of playing with a partner. Start off with something small like the Silver Bullet or the Slender Sensations as they are SMALL, discreet and easy to use  on your clitoris even during partner sex. Be sure your batteries are fresh or charged and see if this does the trick!

5. Too Much Caffiene: Who knew, right? Like the meds we discussed above, too much caffiene has some affects on the pleasure center as well. It also keeps us from staying focused on our orgasm and can make it difficult to relax. So, be mindful how much you are drinking and see if maybe any difficutly you have orgasming might be related to your intake of coffee, tea or soda.

6. Too Much Alcohol:  Too much alcohol is famously responsible for what people call “whiskey dick” for men. However, the same problem can happen for women, too. We just don’t have the obvious physical symptoms men have since our erection is not so obvious.  Too many glasses of wine or too much alcohol of any kind can make it really difficult for women to finish their orgasm. We can get very close to it, but not quite have it completely. It can be fun to have a few drinks and have some fabulously saucy and sassy sex with our partner, but often times, the orgasm will have to wait until you have both slept if off a bit and wake up to have some awesome “morning sex.”


We would love to hear your input. Do you have any ideas or “tricks” for how we can overcome some of these difficulties? By now, you probabaly know I am a big fan of STOP FAKING IT and JUST HAVE ONE!  

If you want to browse our very tasteful online romance store, see our full catalog at http://www.BlissConnection.com or call us at 408-826-9087

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Frustrated September 20, 2009 at 11:40 pm

So I quit drinking, kicked the coffee habit, don’t take any meds for anything and get 8 hours of sleep (although not uninterrupted, so that’s probably a biggie)! But the 10s are happening! Sex is nice, and fun, but no sparks, nothing hitting it out of the ballpark or over a 6. I’m hoping you’ll prescribe a cute 25 year old Cabana boy. 🙂

Franny October 5, 2009 at 11:22 am

Interesting. I have met a wonderful man and suddenly was unable to climax. So strange given that I finally found “the one.” I’m guessing it might be a few things. 1) Caffeine…we both really enjoy drinking tea and I find myself having two or three cups in the evening when I used to have none. 2) I started back on birth control. I wonder if that could have an impact?

Great article, thanks for the pointers. I will go down your list and be sure I have eliminated all of the potential known issues! Take care CB!

Chrystal Bougon October 5, 2009 at 3:00 pm

WOW! Blast from the past! That is strange. But, I am so thrilled you found MR. WONDERFUL! Maybe you two need to try a small vibe like my http://www.FreeSilverBullet.com If you email me your shipping address to blissconnection@gmail.com I will ship you one for commenting and participating in my blog contest.

Take care chica!

sharon osborn October 5, 2009 at 10:24 pm

BJ…I had a husband who thought BJ was unChristian and sinful ac/c to the Bible. Then, after the BIG D, I met a guy who wanted the 69 and smelled awful..could not get past the odor. Then a guy who was going to teach me how to do a BJ–gagy,gag, gag. Now, I have a fabulous man whom I am delighted to please and he smells aphrodiasiatic…A lot of it is mental and where our emotions are. He never had to force me into this and it seems so natural. I enjoy giving them to him and he is very appreciative. So, ladies, when your emotions are positively connected, it is very pleasurable for both your guy and you!

Dorothy Ponton, DC October 12, 2009 at 11:05 am

It is amazing how easily the sequence of dryness, discomfort, and decreased desire can turn into a vicious cycle. These tips are awesome, since so many women don’t know how meds and caffeine dry us out.
I used to be naive, and associated by ability to produce vaginal moisture with my virility, much like a man might make associations about his ability to get an erection. Get out of your pre-conceived notions about your sexual prowess being tied to your ability to “get wet”, buy some lube, keep it close by where you have sex, and resume the great orgasms!

Chrystal Bougon October 12, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Thank you, Dr. Ponton! It’s always so sublime – things like allergy meds decreasing desire. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it. Chrystal

Prego November 19, 2009 at 11:40 pm

So the first trimester was just fine because I almost didn’t know that I was pregnant but during the 2nd and now 3rd trimester, I have not craved sex but do crave sensual touches.

Actually, neither one of us care for sex these days and so far it’s been over 7 weeks and yet nothing was engaged. I know for me it could be hormones but when I spoke to him about why he was not interested, he really doesn’t know.

I fear that I won’t get my drive back after the baby. Has this happened to anyone? Do couples go through loss of interest in sex during pregnancy?

Alicia Dunams September 30, 2010 at 7:29 pm

I have better sex on vacation, than at home. It has something to do with the smell of an expensive hotel room. LOL. So I can vouch for stress causing issues. I also work out of my house, so I always feel like there is something I can do for my business – anytime, day or night. Very much a buzz kill.

Anonymous September 30, 2010 at 7:43 pm

Yes, me too, Alicia. When you own your own business and your obsessed with it, like me – it feels like there is always something more we can do for it.

Women LOVE vacation sex! CLean sheets every day. Yummmy.

One of my customers suggested we always rent a room with two beds. One bed for chocolate, lubes, oils, etc and one for sleeping. Great idea, isn’t it.

Drexalia July 26, 2012 at 11:31 am

I don’t agree with the porn… Many women do find porn offensive and harmful to their relationship. Many women still find porn to be harmful in general because it objectifies women. Then there are the women who find it gives men unrealistic expectations.

Chrystal Bougon July 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

I agree, Drexalia. Many women and men find porn harmful. I think it may depend on the person and it may depend on the porn we are watching, too.

I can personally manage it and don’t watch it that often. But, on occasion I do enjoy it. But, I do not find myself addicted to it.

I also keep in perspective when I am watching that “this is porn” and that puts me in the mindframe to watch it like i watch any movie. this is Make Believe. Not real life. And porn stars are like ELITE GOLD MEDAL athletes and not “regular” people like the rest of us.

Thanks for your perspective. I always love it when our readers comment.

Maegan December 15, 2014 at 2:13 pm

Personally my bf watches porn and so do i occasionally but as adults we realize its fake and unrealistic, however it does offers some good pointers for both of us to try on eachother and sometimes the fantasy of it is fun in itself. lol Also theres a week out of the month that im not always in the mood so if it’s helping him out if i cant then it helps me too lol If your man is hiding the fact that he’s watching porn then that’s a little different for sure but as long as your honest about it, to each their own. lol

Maegan December 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm

I’d like to point out that it has to be an equal agreement on it. Not every women is ok with porn and i totally understand that. 🙂 Some men arent either. As long as there is communication and honesty things will be fine.

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