Orgasm Difficulty? Try this technique

by Chrystal Bougon on August 21, 2010


Orgasm Difficulty: One of my Bliss customers is married and has never had an orgasm in her entire life. This is an email reply I sent her with some ideas and a technique I have recommended to hundreds of women over the last 7 years and have received some great feedback . She and I discussed and we thought it was important I share it here – but removing all of her personal information first. So many women suffer from the inability to have an orgasm. I know this technique is not guaranteed, but it’s worth a try!

“I am so sorry it’s been such a struggle for you. It sounds very very frustrating. It sounds like your husband is a great guy and super attentive.

Have you ever tried the silver bullet on your clitoris? You do know that most women do not have vaginal

orgasms, right? Something like 98% of us have have 80% of our orgasms from clitoral stimulation. 

(These numbers change a ton depending on the researchers and who you ask.)

A toy like the silver bullet on the clitoris can help many women to have orgasms more easily. Also, here is my blog called 6 Things That Make it Difficult to Have an Orgasm

Now for some personal questions. Are you taking anti depressants or allergy medication? Have you

suffered any sexual abuse in your lifetime? You don’t actually have to answer those to me, but think

them through in your head. Anti anxiety and anti depressants make it VERY difficult for the pleasure

center to “finish” the orgasm process. When we take them, sex and intimacy can be very pleausurable

but hard to get all the way there. When we suffer any kind of sexual abuse it can create all kinds of

mental blocks that make it hard for us to ENJOY sex or for us to feel like we DESERVE to have

that kind of joy and pleasure. (Adults who abuse children have no idea how the sexual abuse creates

a horrible legacy of very intense issues around our sexuality. It’s heart breaking, but something we

can work through with good therapy and lots of love.)

You are a late bloomer and since you never masturbated as a teenager, you are just possibly not practiced enough

at it yet. Most of us start masturbating when we are about 2. (Many babies masturbate in the womb.)

We tend to take a few years off from it between 4 and 11 and then get very interested in our genitals

and masturbation again around 11 – 13 years old. It sounds like that was not the case for you.

I would suggest you get brave and talk to your gynecologist about it. It may be an awkward discussion but

it will be worth the time and effort. I would always suggest you rule out health issues with your doctor

before you try to many other avenues. It’s always good to just check in and make sure you are all healthy

and good.

I do have one technique I will share with you. It’s something I have shared with lots of women are our home

pleasure parties who are in the same boat as you. I am not a doctor or therapist. This is just a technique

I learned on my own many years ago and have recommended it to many women over the years and have

received lots of great feedback about it over the past 7 years. It’s a bit trick to describe, but I will do my

best and see if you can follow along and try it out.

So start off by taking a bath or a shower and getting yourself nice and relaxed and prepared. Get in

your bed and try this out. It works best if you are laying on your back.

I am not sure how your body is designed, but if you can take your left hand and sort of make  a

V with your fingers and pull back your outer labia (larger lips) and sort of pull them way back with your

hand – pull up towards your belly button. What happens when you do this is that allows your clitoris

to pop out. (Some of have smaller clits, some of us are blessed with larger clits.)

Now that your clitoris is very exposed, ask your partner to lick it for you or use your right hand and

touch the “bud” of your clitoris that pops out from deep within your body. Most times this part of our

clitoris does not ever see the light of day. For most women, it’s almost way too sensitive to have

it touched or licked when it’s this exposed. But, I am wondering of maybe you are a woman whose

super sensitive part of your clitoris if an “innie” and much deeper in your body.

Just pull the labia back and start caressing the exposed “bud” with some lube, your parnters mouth,

your fingers and possibly an inexpensive vibrator like the silver bulllet and see if you notice little jolts of

what I would describe as “electricity” through your body.

I want you to get familiar with that JOLT and that sensation of being much closer to the BULB

or STEM of your clitoris which is deep inside your body. You may just be one of those women whose

pleasure center is much deeper in your body and not as close to the more exposed parts of your

clitoris and vulva. See if you can handle some gentle nibbling, gentle licking and sucking on this

super sensitive part of your body… or even just get familiar with it alone with your own hands and see

how that feels. You may need to be VERY focused on all of this play to have a climax from it, but

do report back how it feels and we can go from there.

A woman’s orgasm can be very complex. Lots of things can make it difficult to have an orgasm.

Simple things like too much caffeine, allergy meds, anti depressants, too much stress and not enough

sleep. So, rule those out first, too.

Let me know how it goes. Thanks for offering me the chance to blog about it.

Blissfully, Chrystal

Tasteful Online Sex Toy Store

p.s. This is a cool website that has a 3 D diagram of the vulva  and will show you a bit more about what I am referring to when I saw your clitoris is deep inside of your body.


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