Handy Tips for Regular Couples who want to Kink it up a little “50 Shades of Grey” style
So, the hype around this book ” 50 Shades of Grey ” has been just insane. And, I have read the first two books of this trilogy and have been letting it all roll around in my head and trying to figure out what men can take away from this book. Since this book is helping couples to have all kinds of great sex since women all over the country are reading it – it sort of kept making me think that I should write a blog about “What Men can learn from 50 Shades of Grey.” But, that’s not fair putting all the pressure on the guys!
I believe that if you want to see any change you in your bedroom or your sex life, then you have to make it happen. So, I decided to write a blog to create some bullet points about what couples of all variations can learn from the book! Not just men. That’s more fair, right? I hate to put all the pressure on the guys. So, I decided to change the focus and make this an article that can maybe help everyone and anyone who wants to improve their sex life. What can we learn from Christian Grey and Anastasia Steel? Here are some of the ideas I came up with after reading about all of their hot, kinky sex. (And, remember. Their relationship is new. Everyone’s sex life is crazy hot and spontaneous when it’s new.)
What can we all learn from 50 Shades of Grey? Tips for kinking up and your sex life and bringing more intensity and frequency to your sex life:
1. PLAN: If you want to have a juicy, connected, intense sex life then someone’s got to do the planning! Yes, date night is trite and the term is overused. But, very few things in your life happen spontaneously when you are over 30 and have kids. Why leave your sex life up to fate? Make it happen. Plan a naughty play date. PLAN PLAN PLAN.
2. Take turns. Set dates. Take turns. Talk about it. Build up to it. It’s so hard to “surprise” the person you are living with or married to. When you have sex with the same person over and over again for years and years, it’s really hard to find that element of surprise and new. But, if you do some planning and get creative – you can do it! (Bring the dirty dice out with you! Roll them at the restaurant or where ever you two go for some alone time.)
3. Initiate. Everyone wants to be pursued. It gets boring for one partner when one of you initiates all of the time! Mix it up. Make your partner feel HOT and WANTED by initiating half the time. Chase him around. Chase her around! Make it fun.
4. Notice: Christian Grey is VERY good and noticing how sexy, pretty or hot Miss Steele looks. Men LOVE by seeing. Women LOVE from hearing. Make sure your lover knows how pretty she is. How intoxicatingly hot she is. Ladies, make sure your man knows you think he is sex on a stick. We often THINK these things, but sometimes we forget to verbalize. I hear from thousands of women each year that they feel like their husband doesn’t even see them any more. Stop and SEE your lover and tell them what you see. (What are you waiting for to SURRENDER and have the best sex of your life? Do it now! Blog about letting go that we wrote last Fall.)
5. Be Deliberate. Slow it down. Speed it up. Whatever it is you are doing, practice the old “tell ’em what you’re gonna tell em. Tell ’em. Then tell ’em what you just told ’em.” Verblize what you are going to do. Christian Grey is often saying things like “later tonight, after we get home I am going to take your clothes off, blindfold you and tease you mercilessly with my fingers and tongue. Then I am going to fuck you like the pretty slut that you are.” He is being deliberate. He is telling her what he is going to do to her. Then he does it. Then later he reminds her of what he did to her. HOT! (Blog we wrote on how the book 50 Shades of Grey helped one of my friends.)
6. Power Exchange: Take turns giving up control. When you get to be the submissive in your bedroom, it’s like a little mini vacation from all of your stress, bills, worries, kids, problems, and work. You just get to “be” and exist for your lovers pleasure. If you are new to kink and swapping roles, start off with just a blindfold. Put it on him and have fun with his body. Or maybe let him just tie up one arm or hand. You don’t have to start with anything extreme. Just dip your toes into the power exchange. Relax and enjoy his exploration of your body. See what happens to him or her when you are wearing a blindfold. It can be very intense.
7. Open Up. Be a blank slate. No judging. Let go of all of the old stuff you grew up thinking. Kinky girls are bad girls? Only slutty women enjoy being spanked or tied up? Who says? Stop the inner chatter and just go with it. Open your mind and I promise your sex life will become amazing. Don’t let society’s rules stop you from enjoying all of the pleasure your body was made to recieve. Let your hair down. If it makes you more comfortable, create a character that you can become every time you two want to get kinky. Sort of like your kinky alter ego. Give her a name if you want to. Lovers should be comfortable enough around each other to be as naughty or kinky as they want to me. So, you start by creating that kind of environment for your lover.
8. Start slow. Buy some nice paddles or some fuzzy love cuffs. Don’t try to go from vanilla right to hog tied and door cuffs. You can even use some things around your house to just kink it up a notch. (We have a guest blog from Mistress Arabella about how to kink up your sex life on a budget. Bondage on a budget. Get it?)
9. Communicate. Have you noticed that everything in life gets better with more communication? It’s true of your sex life, too. The more often you talk about it with your lover, the better it’s going to become. Busy couples often go years and years without talking about the state of their own sex lives. You cannot go from NEVER talking about it to talking about getting kinky. So, start today. Make some time to talk to your lover about how things are sexually for the two of you. Is there anything he or she has always wanted to try? Talk about how you might use some of your sex toys together. Browse an online store together. See what interests him or you. (9 Ways to use a Sex Toy together.)
Do you have any other suggestions for ways couple can take what we’ve learned from “50 Shades of Grey” and apply them to the REAL WORLD. Because, let’s face it. Very few of us are billionaires or 22 year old virgins like in the book. We want to share real tips for real people here! Comments below or join the dialogue on Facebook. www.Facebook.com/BlissConnection
Blissfully, Chrystal Bougon
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